


Revelations

by AtoTheBean



Series: Jumping Into the Middle [2]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Conversations, Family Angst, Gay Male Character, Light Bondage, M/M, Not-so-light Bondage, Oral Sex, Rimming, Shaving, relationship with a Big R
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-10 00:14:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2003442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtoTheBean/pseuds/AtoTheBean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Chris and Zach have gotten past their assumptions about each other, there is much to discover...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Freak, or Not to Freak

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to JunoMagic and NixDucky for being my beta-readers, and to the Pinto Kink Meme community for the prompt, the comments on the site as I was writing, and other fabulous stories.
> 
> Thanks to NixDucky for my awesome new banner.

  

 

Zach woke abruptly with several thoughts at once: 1) he was being spooned from behind by someone with a persistent hard on; 2) Chris was bi, and used to topping with women (one would presume), and would probably want “his turn” at some point; 3) Zach didn’t bottom... it wasn’t a religious thing, but he had his reasons, mostly to do with how damned vulnerable it made him feel with relative strangers; 4) they probably should have talked about this before stumbling into bed earlier.  Not that there’d been a lot of conversation or consideration before they—

“Are you having a freak-out?” came a muffled, sleepy voice from behind him.  The huff of breath tickled the nape of his neck.  

Zach froze, feeling caught out.  “Why would I do that?” he bluffed.

Chris sighed groggily.  “Mmm.  Well, until a few hours ago, you didn’t think I wanted you, either because I was supposed to be straight or disinterested.  And now you’re waking up with me all naked and cleaving and interested, so...it seems possible.  Plus you went sort of stiff."

“Cleaving?  Are you even for real, Pine?”  Zach asked, threading his fingers into Chris’ and enjoying the pressure on his chest as Chris’ arm held him more tightly.

“S’a good word,” Chris defended, adding in a sing-song voice, “It’s its own antonym.”

Zach snorted, remembering that ridiculous night during filming the first Trek that Chris explained “I’m My Own Grandpa” with charts and diagrams on the backs of napkins.  For a week he just had to hum the chorus between takes and they’d all have a much harder time getting back into character.  J.J. never did figure out what was happening.  “And which meaning did you intend?” Zach asked, smiling.

Chris huffed another breath tickling the hair at Zach’s nape.  “Not the one where we’d split apart,” he whispered, and the kiss that trailed the side of his neck sent shivers along Zach’s spine.

Zach sighed, melting into the embrace and, yes, even the feel of the erection against his ass.  Now that he was past the initial knee jerk reaction, he could appreciate the intimacy and the low buzz of excitement it generated in him.  Chris was no stranger, after all.  They needed to talk; he needed to understand what Chris wanted before he’d agree to bottom, but it didn’t feel like the utter impossibility it had just moments earlier.  It even felt... worth pursuing.  His cock twitched at the novelty of the idea.

“So, you’re okay?”  Chris asked.  And Zach realized he’d never quite answered the freak out question.

“Hmmm,” he assented, “cleave away.”

Chris’ hand moved lower, fingers splayed to explore Zach’s chest and abs.  He groaned as the back of Chris’s knuckles brushed against his hard cock.

“Fuck, Zach,” Chris murmured as he wrapped his hand around Zack and rocked into him from behind, gently pushing Zach’s cock through his fist.  There wasn’t a lot of intent, just sleepy pleasure and warmth and a slow build.  If they hadn’t both come a few hours earlier, it might have all felt more desperate, but as it was, it just felt really good.

“Hmmm.  Let’s switch,” Chris said abruptly.

“What?” Zach asked as Chris’ warmth and hand disappeared.  He’d rolled over, his back to Zach.

“I want to be the little spoon,” Chris whined, reaching blindly back for Zach.

Zach rolled over and curled into Chris’ back, pressing his cock into the cleft of Chris ass and enjoying the rumble of approval as Chris pressed back into him.

“Are _you_ okay?”  Zach asked, letting his hand explore Chris’ body.  “Aren’t you sore?”

“Not sore enough,” he said, pressing back into Zach again.

“Jesus.”  He couldn’t keep himself from thrusting a little at that statement.  Still, he wanted to be careful.  He propped himself up on an elbow and rolled Chris back a bit so he could see his face.  Chris looked much better than he had when Zach first approached him on the stoop — the gaunt, haggard look had been replaced by something approaching peace — but there were still noticeable circles under his eyes.  Chris reached a hand up to pull Zach down for a kiss, a gentle slide of tongue that Zach was just starting to deepen when Chris’ stomach rumbled.

“Ignore it,” Chris whispered into his mouth.  Zach hesitated, but then followed Chris’ advice until another, louder gurgle made Zach laugh into the kiss.

He pulled back, “Hungry?”

“Yes,” Chris grumbled, “but not in the way you’re implying.”

“I think your stomach disagrees, Chris.  When did you last eat?”

Chris scrubbed his face with his hand, and the humor drained out of his expression.  “Actually, I haven’t eaten or slept much the last few days.”

Oh, right.  Shit.  That was his fault.

“C’mon,” he said, moving to get up.

“No,” Chris whined, grabbing at Zach’s arm to stop him.

Zach studied his friend.  “Are you really refusing food when you’re obviously hungry?  Who are you and what have you done with Chris Pine?”

Chris sat up, elbows resting on his knees.   He looked sort of miserable.

“Seriously, there are entire Tumblr memes dedicated to pictures of you chewing.  What’s going on?”

Chris shook his head.  “It’s stupid.”

“Chris—“

“No, it really is.  I’m just being...” he waved his hand.  Zach had no idea what that signified.

“I think we’ve established that we can’t read each other’s minds, so...”

Chris was actually blushing.

“Chris, just tell—”

“Okay.  I just... I don’t want to get dressed, because it feels like, if I do, then maybe this is all a dream, and... I don’t know.  I do a walk of shame and we never speak of this and I know that’s not going to happen, but it feels like it could if I got dressed, so I’d rather just stay in this bed for, like, six or seven days, until it feels really, really real, and then maybe venture out.  For, like, necessities.”

Zach lowered a kiss on his shoulder, laughing a bit, but also recognizing the serious insecurity behind the fear.  It felt familiar, actually.

“Hmmm.  How about a compromise?” he asked, getting off the bed and moving to his dresser.

“A compromise?”

“Yeah.”  Zach opened a drawer and pulled out two pairs of sleep pants, tossing one to Chris where he sat on the bed.  He watched Chris’ expression brighten as he realized what he was holding.  “I don’t want to kick you out, Chris; I want to feed you up.  You’re going to need strength for what I have in store for you.”

Chris met his grin, visibly relaxing.  “Fuck.  Okay, yeah.  This is perfect.  And actually, now that you mention it, I’m _famished_.”  

 


	2. First Date, Out of Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How had he missed this?

The air in the kitchen was soon thick with garlic, tomatoes, and conversation.  They worked in tandem, Chris cutting vegetables and grating cheese as Zach orchestrated the combination of the ingredients.  And though they’d cooked meals together before, it had never been like this: both of them barechested and barefoot, skin buzzing with wine and proximity.  The domesticity of it made Zach smile into his wine glass as he stirred the sauce and checked the pasta.  And the smile grew even harder to hide when Chris started feeding him the ends of the peppers or a bit of cheese, or kissed his shoulder and placed a hand on his hip when there was nothing to do but stir and wait.

Soon they were sitting across from each other — Chris only flinching a bit as he sat and then offering Zach a wicked smile — with plates full of pasta.  The conversation was dotted with shy smiles that would indicate a first date if they hadn’t just gotten out of bed after amazing sex.   A first date out of order, Zach mused.

Zach was all for leaving the dishes, but Chris insisted on not leaving things a mess for the next day.  “I don’t want to clean up garlic before making you banana pancakes.  I want a clean slate,” Chris said, up to his elbows in suds as he scrubbed a pot.  

Zach looked up from letting Noah out. “Banana pancakes?”

“Yup.  I was secretly checking out your stores while you were cooking, and you have everything I need.”

“Very cloak and dagger, Pine,” he said as he dried another pot and put it away. 

“It’s only fair: you made me dinner.”  He rinsed his hands and leaned a hip on the counter as he dried his hands.  And he looked...some sort of mixture of adorable and edible, and the combination was starting to drive Zach to distraction.

“How did I miss this?” he asked of nobody.

“Miss what?”

Zach just moved his hand back and forth between them, indicating their chemistry or bond or whatever it was.

Chris chuckled.  “I don’t know, man.  As soon as I figured out you were gay, I started flirting like crazy.  Secret handshakes and bumping shoulders and everything.”

“That was you flirting?  I thought you were just being really supportive.”

“That was me flirting.  Ineffectively.  It drove Gina crazy.”

“I don’t doubt it.  And the presence of your girlfriend might have had something to do with my interpretation of those actions as platonic.”   Zach raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Chris laughed, “but _she_ could tell... not that she was really a girlfriend,” he added absently. “Wanted to be, maybe, but I knew after a few dates that wasn’t in the cards.”  Chris shrugged and waved it off, effectively closing the topic.  They’d no doubt be discussing exes and some point, and he could ask for clarification.  Chris looked up again and gave him a wicked grin.  “Maybe your gaydar sucks.”

“It really doesn’t,” Zach said, quirking an eyebrow and grinning back.  “You were too subtle.”

“Yeah, well, a few weeks later you introduced me to whatshisname, and I took the hint and toned it down.  And the rest is history, I guess.” 

“Hmmm.”  Zach refilled their wine glasses and handed Chris’ back to him.  “I’m glad we’re past it,” he said quietly.

Chris’ fingers dragged across his lower back, sending shivers across his bare skin.   With gentle pressure, Chris led him into the front room.  He set their wine glasses down on the coffee table, sat on the sofa, and patted his lap.

Zach raised an eyebrow. 

Chris rolled his eyes.  “C’mere,” he said, lacing his fingers in Zach’s and pulling until Zach moved forward and straddled his lap.

“This is new,” he murmured as Chris’ sure hands wrapped around his hips and pulled him closer.  He was usually the sittee in these situations, not the sitter...

“Is it?  Probably because you usually date people too young for you.  Not judging,” Chris said as Zach started to protest, “Just, it limits the potential dynamics.  They can’t be expected to help take care of you if they can’t take care of themselves.”

“And you want to take care of me?”  It was barely a whisper, and he sounded much more vulnerable than he liked. 

“Zach,” Chris said, threading fingers into his hair and pulling him almost into a kiss.  “I’ve been trying to help take care of you for _years_.  It will be a relief to do it without worrying about staying at arms length.”

It should have bothered him, probably would have bothered him coming from anyone else.  But coming from Chris it just seemed ridiculously sweet.  He was in serious trouble. 

“You’re younger than me, too,” Zach pointed out, his face hovering over Chris’ in a delicious moment of anticipation.

Chris huffed a laugh.  “The grey in my beard argues that I can handle it.”

“Handle me.”

“Hmmm,” Chris nodded, then added, “Handle us.”

And that spoke of almost-promises that he would have to get clarification on later, but for now he just really had to kiss Chris.  Thoroughly.

Chris’ hands roamed his back and hips, pulling him closer and holding him tight. It was a novelty, but it felt good... safe without being stifling.   _And hot_ , Zach thought as Chris’ fingers traced along his spine again, making him squirm and grind into Chris’ lap.  He broke the kiss as Chris flinched.

“Sore?” he whispered, equal parts amused and concerned.

“I told you before,” Chris answered, adjusting his seat slightly and then pulling Zach down hard against him, “I’m not sore enough.”

“Hmmm.  Well, I’m no sadist, but I’m willing to see what I can do about that.”

Chris laughed, nipping at Zach’s jaw as he whispered, “So good to me...”

“Mmmm.”  Zach wove his fingers into Chris hair, tilting his head to reclaim his mouth, taking control of the kiss.  Chris slowly ceded, whimpering as Zach’s tongue slid around the tip of his and moved deeper.  Long minutes later, Chris broke the kiss, gasping for air, and then flinched raising a hand to rub his neck.

“What was that?” Zach asked as he pulled back to study Chris, strictly concerned this time.

“Nothing, I just... haven’t been sleeping well, so I just stayed up last night, and then ended up falling asleep in a chair.  I screwed up my shoulder and neck a little, but it’s not a big deal — barely noticeable.”  Chris tried to pull Zach back into the kiss, but Zach resisted, noticing how Chris was carrying one shoulder higher than the other.  It probably wasn’t serious, but this position was surely making it worse.

“Come on,” he said getting off Chris lap and holding out a hand.

“Where are we going?”  Chris took Zach’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to standing.

“You want to take care of me?  Well, I want to take care of you, too.” 


	3. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was, admittedly, more exploratory than therapeutic...

Zach led him back to bedroom, turning off lights as he went.  The sun had long since set, and Zach’s room was lit only by the streetlights outside.  It was just enough to navigate by.  

“Take those off,” he said, pulling at the sleep pants, “and lie down on your stomach.”   Chris looked like he might protest for a moment, until Zach took a bottle of oil from the drawer and set it in the waterbath he kept by his bed, turning on the small heater.  Chris’ eyes widened with understanding, and he quickly complied as Zach began lighting candles and turned on some music from his iPod.

Soon the scents of juniper and sage drifted through the air, and Zach looked down at Chris spread across his bed, arms resting above his head, skin illuminated by flickering candlelight.  Biting his lip to hide his smile, Zach dropped his own pants, took the warmed oil, and straddled Chris’ ass.

Chris groaned as Zach spread oil across his back and shoulders, kneading gently as he explored the tension in his friend’s muscles.  Zach was good at this, actually — years of yoga with friends and mutual massages had given him some expertise — and he soon found the problem in the form of a knot and tenderness at the top of Chris’ left shoulder near the neck.  He spread more oil over the area and slowly began to rub in small circles and long strokes along the grain of the muscle ( _Fuck, that feels so good, Zach_ ). From the base of the skull to the thick muscles of the shoulder, Zach plied and worked the tissue until Chris’ groans changed from half-pained grunts to contented hums.  Then he extended the massage to the rest of Chris’ back, from the broad shoulders to the narrow waist, the curve of the spine to the swell of ass.  It was, admittedly, more exploratory than therapeutic, but he’d long wanted to discover Chris body, and the sounds Chris was making were changing again, his breath becoming ragged.  Zach’s own cock had hardened long ago, and his suspicions that Chris was in a similar state were confirmed when Chris rocked his hips into the sheets.

Zach shifted his weight, letting his cock slide across the cleft of Chris’ ass as he moved his hands back up to his shoulders, massaging up and down his back as Chris moaned in pleasure.  God, Chris was beautiful like this: pliant and laid out beneath him for the second time in one day.  And despite the fact that he and Chris weren’t facing each other, this time almost felt more intimate, or at least more deliberate.  Before, they had fallen into bed and released years of pent up sexual tension.  They could have awakened to decide it was a mistake.  It could have ruined everything.  But instead they’d spent the last several hours being themselves — everything that was great about being Chris and Zach —but with the added energy of acknowledged attraction.  And now they were back in bed, aroused again, and Zach was still reeling at how well they fit together, and at the intimacy he already felt because of all their shared history.  It made him feel safe enough to be playful as he thought more of all the things Chris had said during their first time together.

Chris rocked his hips, pressing up into Zach’s cock.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, shifting his weight again so he could lean down over Chris without putting too much weight on him.  He didn’t want to undo the benefits of the massage, but he had to get closer.  He ran his hands along Chris’ shoulders and arms, copping a feel of his biceps as he moved down and finally reached Chris’ hands.  He kissed the sensitive skin behind Chris’ ear.

“I’ve been wondering,” Zach whispered.  Chris made an inquisitive grunt into the sheets, and Zach continued. “Earlier, when you were telling me about your fantasies, you mentioned that you’d thought of me ‘pinning’ you.  Did you mean holding you in place while I fuck you, like I did earlier, or did you have a more substantial,” Zach wrapped his hands around Chris’ wrists and pressed them into the mattress, “form of restraint in mind?”

“Oh, fuck,” Chris groaned, bucking into the sheets.  “Um, both?  It was really hot, the way you held me down earlier, but, uh, I’ve definitely thought of... other things, too.”

Zach hummed thoughtfully and stretched Chris’ arms up closer to the headboard, noting the way Chris groaned as his arms were dragged upward.  “I noticed earlier, when you were holding your hands against the headboard for leverage,” Zach’s voice was rough and low, “that they were really close together.  I wondered if you were imagining it then.  Imagining them bound.”

“God!  I... yeah.  It felt good, the way you were holding me in place, and it sort of... amplifies the feeling... to imagine that.  I hope that’s not too...”

Zack rolled his hips, pressing his cock against the cleft of Chris’ ass as he held his wrists in place.  “I almost came when I realized what you were doing.”

Chris just whimpered and bucked.  Zach’s mind was racing now with possibilities.  “Have you done it before?  Allowed someone to tie you down to the bed?”

A frisson of excitement passed through Chris.  “No.”

Zach paused, wondering if he should push this.  He’d never done it either, never really wanted it before, but the idea of Chris tied beneath him—

“I’d let you do it.”

Jesus fucking Christ.  Zach’s cock throbbed, and he lowered his forehead onto Chris’ shoulder trying to keep his thoughts from flying in a million directions.

“I’d trust you to make it good,” Chris whispered.

Zach lowered his mouth on Chris’ neck in an open-mouthed kiss bordering on a bite.  That trust was a terrifying gift, and there was no way in the world Zach could refuse it.

He gentled his mouth as Chris groaned.  “Are you speaking in a hypothetical eventuality,” he asked, noticing his voice was actually breaking with arousal, “or do you want me to tie you to my bed right now?”

“Oh, fuck!”

Zach stilled as he waited for Chris’ response, pleased that he was actually considering his answer.  Chris shifted his hands, testing Zach’s grasp, probably imagining it was something else holding them in place.  Zach counted his harsh breaths as he waited in anticipation.   Consent was critical.  He wouldn’t rush Chris, and he wouldn’t pressure him, he’d just—

“Yes.  Fuck yes, do it!  Tie me to the bed and fuck me however you want.  I want that.  I want you like that. So much.”

Zach groaned.  “Stay right here,” he commanded, pushing Chris wrists firmly into the mattress one more time.  Then he nearly flew to the closet.

“Do you have restraints?”

“No,” Zach answered, scanning the items hanging from the rod.  “If you like this, we’ll do some online shopping together tomorrow.”

“And if you like it,” Chris offered.

“Chris,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment and breathing.   “There’s no doubt I’ll like it.”

Zach returned to the bed with two silk neckties.  Chris had said he liked Zach in a suit... it seemed appropriate.  He straddled Chris again, who gasped when he saw the ties. Zach used one of them to bind Chris’ wrists together, looping the fabric between them so each was surrounded by silk tight enough to hold, but not so tight as to decrease circulation.  Then he looped the second tie around the silk between Chris’ wrists, coiled the two ends around each other a few times, and tied it off to the bedframe.

“Tug on that and see how it feels.”

Chris’ biceps and upper back flexed as he tested the restraints, and Zach sat back on his heels, stroking his cock as he watched.

“It’s perfect,” Chris murmured.

Yes, it really was.


	4. Ties that Bind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, what are you going to do with me, all tied to your bed?"  
> “Fuck,” Zach said, stroking himself as he knelt on the mattress. “I’m sure I can think of something.”

“How do you want me?”

“Oh, god.”  Zach squeezed his cock until his eyes watered.  He did not want this over too quickly.  “On your knees,” he said when he could answer.  “Let me help you.”

Zach guided him into position, helping support his weight as Chris shifted his knees forward awkwardly.

“Fuck, you are gorgeous like this,” he said when Chris was kneeling with his ass in the air, his shoulders against the mattress and his arms stretched up and bound to the headboard.  He rubbed his hand along Chris’s spine to his shoulder and then back down again, cupping his ass.  “How does it feel?  Is your neck okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.  I feel... god so many things.  Exposed, and sort of dirty, but in a good way.  The fact that you’re just looking at me like this and I have to just let you... can’t really shift or cover anything.  It’s so hot.  I’m so hard right now.”

“You should feel sexy.  That’s how you look.”  Sexy and invitingly submissive and _dangerous_.  Zach shifted so he was beside Chris, and leaned down to kiss his temple.  “I’m going to make this good for you.  As good as I know how.  But if you change your mind, or something starts hurting that shouldn’t, just tell me to untie you and I’ll have you loose in a second.”

“Zach, part of the turn on is that you’re controlling me.”

“I know, but reality isn't the always the same as fantasy, and I don't want to screw things up. If you want to stop, you tell me. I'll be fine with it, I promise."

Chris bit his lip as he studied Zach’s face.  “Okay, I promise.  But it’s not going to be necessary.  Come here and kiss me,” he said, craning his neck.  Zach kissed him as thoroughly as he could with the awkward angle. “Now, what are you going to do with me, all tied to your bed?”

“Fuck,” he said, stroking himself as he knelt on the mattress.  He removed a condom, lubricant and hand towel from the drawer, setting them on the bed, and settled himself again behind Chris.  He drew his hands along Chris’ spine, up to his shoulders and then back down to the swell of his ass and past, dragging his thumbs along the crack to spread thighs.  “I’m sure I can think of something.”

He continued stroking Chris’ back and ass, grazing his balls, watching him writhe and arch into the touch, watching him twist against the restraint.

“So gorgeous,” he said, finally pulling Chris’ cheeks apart with his thumbs to expose his hole.  It was slightly pink with irritation, and the fact that Chris was asking for him again so soon despite that made him shiver.

He bent down and licked a circle around the puckered opening, and Chris jerked away, to the extent he could.

“What are you doing?"

Zach pulled Chris’ hips back into position.  “You said earlier you were sore.  I’m kissing it better,” he whispered, lowering his tongue again to the tender skin.

Chris moaned in pleasure.  He let Zach lave his hole several moments, but then pulled away again, pushing himself up onto his elbows and pulling his groin against the bed.  “That’s not...you don’t have to.”

“Hmmm,” Zach said thoughtfully, sitting up.  This wouldn’t do at all.  “You’ve never been rimmed before?”

Chris was breathing heavily, and needed a moment before he could shake his head.

“Do you want me to untie you?”

“What?  No, of course not.”

He leaned over Chris, bracing himself on his hands so their faces were close, biting his lip before taking a risk.  “Because I understood that you wanted to be bound to the bed, and that you would take whatever I wanted to give you.”

“I...I do,” Chris stammered.  ‘But that can’t be something you want.”

“Down,” Zach said firmly, pressing between Chris’ shoulders until his chest was flush with the mattress again and his ass was in the air.  “You’re going to stay in this position.  I’m going to lick you open bit by bit until your hole is gaping for me and you’re begging to be fucked.”  Chris gasped.  “And when you’re finally ready, I won’t have to ease myself in.  I’ll be able to take you just how you like it from the start.”

“I like it hard,” Chris gasped, shivering.

“I know,” Zach whispered dragging his finger along Chris’ spine until it pressed against his hole.  “I’ve seen you take it, and not just from me.”  And it was interesting that Zach didn't feel more jealousy as he said it.  Now that he was the one with Chris in his bed — tied to it, at the moment — the memory was just hot.  Zach leaned low over Chris, whispering into his ear.  “I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll feel me in the back of your throat.”

“Oh, god.  Yes, okay.”

“But not until I decide you’re ready, and since you fought me on it, it might take a bit longer.”

“Anything you want.”

“You’ll be good?”

There was a pause again as Chris breathed and then repeated, “Anything you want.”

Zach lowered his mouth again, and began working Chris open in earnest.  Chris’ resistance quickly slipped away, and soon he was groaning and whimpering and pushing his ass up to meet Zach.  “I love the needy little sounds you make, Chris,” his voice rumbled as he dragged a finger around the pucker, and Chris let out another moan.  “I love the way you’re pressing up into me now.  So eager.  So eager for something you didn’t think you wanted,” he said with another swipe of his tongue and another moan from Chris.  Zach looked up to admire the way Chris’ body curved from his ass, down the sweep of his back, across his shoulder and arms to the point where his hands were bound to the bed.  “You’re so fucking beautiful.   Tell me how it feels,” he said, lowering his mouth again.

“Oh, god... it’s... I’ve never felt anything like it.  Dirty and decadent and filthy and—” Zach pierced his tongue into the loosening hole, feeling smooth muscle for the first time.  “—Fuck!  Delicious.  This has no right to feel as good as it does.  It shouldn’t, but god it’s so...”

“Filthy gorgeous?” Zach offered, and then pushed his tongue in further as Chris moaned a “yes” through his gasps.  The feel of smooth muscle, the noises Chris is making... it was all starting to drive him crazy.

“And your tongue is so smooth and strong and your stubble is rough—”

Zach pulled back slightly.  He’d forgotten that it’d been all day since he’d shaved, and the point of this was to decrease Chris’ irritation.

“Don’t stop... please don’t stop now.”        

Zach groaned, because Chris was already begging and he was only half open.  The vibration of his voice made Chris melt open some more, and he was babbling encouraging sounds as Zach pressed his tongue in, pushing against skin over and over until he could circle the entire opening.  He leaned back to admire his work.

“You should see yourself, Chris,” he said, picking up the lube and warming some on his finger.  “Your hole is wide open for me.”  Chris mewled as Zach slid two fingers in, coating the sides with lube before pulling out and getting more.  “I’m sure by now you are wishing that you could reach down and take your cock in hand.”  Zach slid two fingers into Chris’ hole again, spreading more lube as his other hand reached between Chris’ spread thighs.  “Have I made you hard?” he asked, dragging a teasing finger along Chris’ cock.  Chris arched, pulling on his restraints.  He wasn’t forming words like “decadent” anymore, but an answer wasn’t really necessary.  He was hard and dripping pre-come.  “Mmmm.  Me too.  So hard for you,” he said, adding more lube and three fingers as Chris started babbling encouragement again.  “So ready to fuck you.”

“Zach, please.”

He leaned down and licked around the hole again as he slid the condom onto his own aching cock.  He wasn’t going to last long; he’d built them both up to nearly a frenzy.  Zach wiped his hands on the towel and stood on his knees, admiring Chris’ arching, bound form.  Chris pressed his shoulders into the mattress, emphasizing every appealing curve and angle, stretching his bound arms and raising his ass invitingly.  “Please,” he whispered again.

Fuck.  Zach had had a lot of good sex over the years, and was no stranger to experimenting, but this was quickly moving to the top of his sexual experiences.  The intense visual combined with Chris’ voice, throaty and rough and absolutely begging... Zach shivered as he lined up his cock — the tip already surrounded by Chris’ slick, pink open—

“Chris!” he groaned as Chris pushed back, taking a bit more of him in easily.  Zach hooked his fingers around Chris’ hips and pulled on them as he pushed home in one quick motion.

“More!” Chris sobbed.

Zach started pounding into Chris with abandon, trying to adjust his angle so he’d hit Chris’ prostate, but it was no good.  Chris was arched too far in the other direction.  He tried to reach underneath to wrap his hand around Chris’ cock, but it threw off his rhythm.

“It’s okay, it’s okay... just fuck me,” Chris groaned.

“Chris... I’m getting too close,” Zach cried.

“S’okay.  I want you... just like this.  Come for me.  Come in me.” Chris’ head was turned, not far enough back to see Zach — that was impossible in his position — but far enough for Zach to see his expression.  He was... fuck he was exquisite: mouth slack as he gasped for air, eyes closed, obviously concentrating on feeling, body completely supplicant.  It was hot as hell, and if Chris wanted Zach to fuck him, he would fuck him very, very well.  He hooked his fingers around Chris’ hips again and held him firmly as he built up a brutal rhythm.  Chris’ wrists twisted in their restraints, as if reminding him they were there, and the movement rippled through his shoulders and back as Zach drove into his body over and over.  The noises Chris was making grew more wanton as the side of his face was pushed into the sheets, and Zach’s senses reached a crescendo of sights and sounds and the tremor in his own abdomen that tightened and burned and twisted until it exploded in light and heat and a strangled groan.

His torso fell forward, bent over Chris, who grunted an “oomph” but otherwise didn’t complain as Zach caught his breath.  From his tense posture and breath, though, it was clear Chris hadn’t come, no matter how much he’d been enjoying himself.  Zach took a few shuddering breaths and then kissed the center of Chris’ back.

“Grab onto the tie,” he said, and as soon as Chris had wrapped his fingers around the strap of silk securing him to the bedframe, Zach pulled out, wrapped his arms around Chris’ hips, and in one smooth movement flipped Chris onto his back.  Before Chris had started to react, he had three fingers back inside him and had swallowed his cock nearly to the base.

“Jesus, Fuck!” Chris cried out as his feet scrabbled against the sheets on either side of Zach’s head.  When he finally got them braced against the mattress he pressed his hips up, fucking Zach’s mouth as Zach groaned approval around his cock and found his prostate.  “Oh fuck... yes, yes, fuck, Zach, that’s perfect.”

Chris didn’t have much leverage, bound as he was.  Zach suspected that if he could, Chris would have his fingers tangled in Zach’s hair holding him in place as he fucked his face.  And Zach wouldn’t have really liked that, but this... holding himself in place so Chris could move the few inches he was afforded, so Chris could strain against his restraints to get enough friction and heat to come... this was hot.  Zach looked up to see Chris craning his neck to watch him, hands still bound far over his head.  Their eyes met and —

“Fuck!  Yes!  Yes!”  Chris thrust hard, nearly making Zach gag. But then he was coming, and Zach lowered his eyes so he could concentrate on swallowing and not choking and sucking him clean as Chris collapsed down on the mattress, head rocking back and forth as he whimpered.


	5. Kiss me, you dork!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of tying your best friend to your bed and fucking him can be...complicated...

Chris seemed to come down slowly, his body finally becoming completely slack, except for the occasional flinch of oversensitivity.  Zach removed his fingers carefully and wiped them on the towel, gave Chris’ softening cock one last kiss, and crawled up Chris’ body until their faces were flush — only to find tears streaming from Chris’ eyes.  What had happened?

“Fuck.  I’m sorry; I’m sorry.  Let me cut you loose.”

Chris mumbled something Zach didn’t quite get has he leaned over the bed to get some scissors from the drawer.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.  Here, let me—“

“Shut UP!”  Chris finally said it loud enough for Zach to hear, and he froze.  “Put the scissors down, STOP apologizing for the most intense sexual experience of my life, and kiss me you _dork_.”

Zach huffed a disbelieving laugh as he complied, bracing himself on his elbows and stroking Chris cheeks with his thumbs.  “You’re okay?” he asked, smearing the tear tracks.

“I’m not answering any questions until you kiss me.”

And Zach did, sighing as Chris’ tongue touched his.  “Oh, fuck, I can taste myself on you,” Chris breathed into the kiss, arching against Zach and the restraints.  Zach kissed him again. And again.  And again, until finally Chris seemed satisfied and relaxed back into the bed.  Zach smiled and rubbed his nose against Chris’ as he ended the kiss.  “Can I cut you loose now?”

“Hmmm,” Chris groaned luxuriously.  “You don’t think you can untie them?  I’d like to keep these for posterity.”

Zach laughed again, feeling nearly giddy.  “I don’t think so.  You struggled against them a lot and pulled the knots really tight.  Which was fucking hot and amazing to watch, but yeah, these ties are lost causes.”

Zach grabbed the scissors again and raised an eyebrow at Chris.  “I need to touch you.  If we have to cut them, I’ll just save them as mementos of that.”

“Good man,” Zach said.  “Hold still.”

It took a moment for Zach to get the binding cut off, and then Chris hands were frantic with pent up touches, up and down Zach’s back, cradling his head and pulling him back down for another kiss.  And it was bliss.  Absolute bliss.  He was practically dizzy with it.  Or he was getting deliriously tired.

“Let’s clean up,” Zach whispered.

Chris groaned.  “Let’s not move.”  Chris tightened his arms around Zach’s back, and they were nearly flush from head to toe except where Zach was braced on his elbows.  “You can just lay your head on my shoulder and we can sleep like this.”

“Hmmm.  Tempting,” he said lowering his head to kiss Chris again.  And it would be if the condom weren’t sticky and slick between them.  “Or we could take a quick shower, wash the oil and lube off us, and then come back to this exact position.  It’s up to you, though.  I’m not the one with half a tube of lube up my ass.”  

Chris snorted.  “You make compelling arguments.”  Chris still wasn’t moving.

“Come on.  Let me soap you up and run my hands all over you.  Unless you’d rather have a bubble bath.”

“I’m so tired I might actually fall asleep in a bath.  Okay, quick shower.  Only because I don’t want to roll over in the middle of the night into a pool of cold lube.”

“That’s the spirit.”

It turned out a bit more languid than planned, with a lot of kissing and intimate washing leading to just intimate touches, but both of them were too tired for it to go anywhere.  When they were finally clean and warm and reasonably dry, and Zach had rubbed a lotion on Chris’ wrists to ease the lingering red marks, they walked back to the bed.  Zach smoothed the sheets and was relieved to find them reasonably clean.  They fell back into bed, Chris nudging Zach until he was in the same position, lying on top of him and cupping his face and kissing him.

“So are we going online shopping tomorrow?” Chris asked.  

Zach huffed into the kiss.  “You tell me.  I told you already that I’d like it.”

“Yeah, we are.  I liked it a lot,” Chris said, stroking his fingers absently up Zach’s spine.  

“I’m sorry I didn’t make you come.”

“You don’t remember making me come?”

“I mean, while I was inside you.  I’m not usually a selfish lover.”

“Zach,” Chris kissed him again.  “It was perfect.  I actually felt you come, which was amazing.  I didn’t the first time because I was so wrapped up in my own…” he waved his hands absently.   “And then… I don’t even know what you did.  One second I was on my knees babbling and the next I was on my back getting the best blowjob in the history of the universe.  There was nothing selfish about it.  Perfect.”

"But--"

"Per.  FECT."

“Okay, good,” he said, the relief clear in his voice. Silence stretched, and Zach was about to roll to the side so they could sleep when Chris hugged him a little tighter.

“Would you want me to do any of that for you?” Chris asked.

“Oh—”

“I mean, we should talk at some point about what you like.” Chris continued.  “It doesn’t have to be now, but would you like any of what you did for me?  And it’s fine either way.  I mean, I figured you for a top, and that is definitely not a problem.  But I’d like to know.”

Zach hummed thoughtfully, tracing Chris’ cheeks with his thumbs.  “Rimming, definitely, if you ever feel the urge.  Bottoming for you… it’s not something I do a lot, but I find I’m definitely interested.  But it couldn’t be like that.  I’d need more control.  You get off on the vulnerability of being bound or held in place, but I just get sort of panicky.  Not in a sexy way.  So I’d need to be facing you and meeting you partway.  It’d have to be—”

“We’d have to be making love,” Chris said simply, dragging his thumb along Zach’s cheekbone.

Zach swallowed thickly wondering if that made him sound… he wasn’t sure.  Needy?  Or like he wasn’t loving Chris when he fucked him?  Or it wouldn’t be fun?   “I can work with that,” Chris said, his lips finding Zach’s again.  “And I do, you know.  Love you.  Don’t—” he said as Zach started to reply, “say it back until you’re ready.  But I do.  I love all the Zachs.”

Zach furrowed his brow.  “How many Zachs do you know?”  And he was not at all sure he wanted to hear how Chris loved other people.  

“I love dorky Zach who snorts when I use an SAT word, and hipster Zach with his ridiculous hats.  Professional Zach keeps me on my toes on set.   I love the challenge of bibliophile Zach and his mastery of the English language.  And you know I love suave Zach in a suit making me forget my answers to the interview questions.  And daddy Zach who buys Noah and Skunk only the organic hand-baked dog treats…”

Zach felt a warmth bloom in his chest, and bit his lip to try to contain his smile.

“And I really love chef Zach, because, you know, food.  Plus your hands are sexy, and I like watching them in the kitchen.  And I think I’m going to really love this domestic Zach who lounges around half naked drinking wine and will even deign to sit on my lap sometimes and let me hold him.  This new Zach, with the dangerous, gravelly whisper who likes to dominate me a bit in bed, but in a completely generous way?  Yeah, pretty much head over heels for him.  I’d try to write sonnets, but he fucked me too thoroughly for my language centers to be fully functional.”

Zach laughed, but his eyes were swimming, and he had to blink several times before Chris came into focus.

“You seem to be doing pretty well, actually,” he whispered.  

Chris leaned up and kissed him.  “Come here,” he said, nudging Zach into positions so his head was on Chris’ chest and Chris’ arm was around his shoulders: basically the opposite of how they’d fallen asleep earlier.  And it felt good like this, too.  “Hmmm.  This is nice.  So much better than how I fell asleep last night.”

“Me too,” Zach said, closing his eyes as Chris’ fingers stroked his hair.  Because this really was better than thinking Chris had been fake flirting for years and wasn’t into him.  Had he really thought that just earlier today? When the reality was all this acceptance and care and… well, love?  He’d been such an idiot.  And now… did he have a boyfriend?  A closeted bisexual boy—

“You think really loud…” Chris mumbled, squeezing Zach.

“Sorry,” Zach sighed, willing his mind to turn off and just luxuriate in the here and now.

“Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it in the morning.  After I call my sister.  She’s going to be over the fucking moon when I tell her.”

“You’re going to tell Katie?” Zach asked, raising his head to look up at Chris.

“Well, she knew I was coming over… that we had a fight.  And she knows how I feel about you, so… you didn’t want to keep this a secret, did you?”  There was just a touch of hurt in the sleepy, hoarse voice.

“No,” he said, kissing Chris’ chest and lowering his head back down and trying to contain his smile.  “No, that sounds perfect.  We can talk about it more in the morning.”  Chris gave him another squeeze and kissed the top of his head in sleepy agreement.  “After you make me pancakes.”

“After I give you the world’s best morning blowjob and then make you banana pancakes,” Chris corrected.

Zach stifled another grin, kissing Chris’ chest again.  “Yeah.  That.”

Sleep seeped into Zach’s mind in a haze of Chris’ warm skin and even breath and the scent of their sex and this warmth growing inside him from everything Chris had said and done and given him today.  And really, everything he’d given over the course of their entire friendship.

“I love you, Chris,” he whispered into the night.   

With Chris’ answering grunt and squeeze, he drifted off to sleep.


	6. "We are such stuff as dreams are made on…”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Title from Shakespeare's "The Tempest"

Chris was wearing the charcoal Ralph Lauren that Zach loved.  The one with the pin stripes and waist coat and tight pants that made his erection all the more obvious as he got in the back of the car and slid across, making room for Zach.

“You’ve been such a fucking tease all night,” Zach whispered, checking that the privacy barrier was up as he closed the door.  Chris just gave him a wicked look and sank to his knees.  And his jacket was off and the waistcoat made his shoulders look even broader and his waist more narrow.   And then Zach’s pants were open, and the limo started moving as wet heat engulfed him.

He slipped down in the seat, spreading his legs wide.  Red and blue and gold lights from the illuminated stores and shops outside streaked across Chris’ hair as he slid his mouth down Zach’s cock.

Zach moaned, letting his head fall back.  He pushed his fingers through the multi-colored hair and thrust up, deep into Chris' throat.  The sound of his own harsh breaths and Chris' interrupted moans swirled in the evening air.  The only sounds. Traffic, engines and city cacophony fell away as the limo seemed to silently float above it all.

Zach looked down again to see Chris' fingers laced together behind his back, and eyes looking up at Zach, blazing blue against neon air.  Zach held Chris' head in place and rolled his hips, watching his cock slide between stretched, wet lips.  Slowly, sensually, but deep... Impossibly deep..

“Fuck!” Zach moaned as his cock slid back out of Chris’ throat and he felt tongue and gentle suction at his tip. Zach tightened his grip on Chris' hair and thrust hard, cock descending into tight, slippery warmth and then back out, over and over.  Relentless.   

His shoulders melted back into the seat as his hips pistoned up and down.  Chris closed his eyes and buried his face in Zach's lap, taking him deeper as Zach's eyes rose to the open roof and speeding stars.

Lost.  He was lost in contrasts.  The harsh rhythm of his thrusts and the softness of Chris' tongue.  The cool, dry, technicolor air and slick, red heat of Chris' throat.  The powerful, sexy suit of the man kneeling and needy between his legs.  Zach’s cock slid deep and fast, making him almost dizzy as Los Angeles sped by their windows.  Tight heat around his cock, heat coiling in his abdomen.  Chris’ fingers locked behind his back and Zach’s fingers—

—twisted in the bedsheets as he thrust up again into a wet, hot mouth.  Startled, Zach looked down his body to see a very naked and sleep-rumpled Chris hovering over him and looking up, blue eyes flashing and saliva-slicked lips stretched around his cock.  He looked just as sexy and even more dear than the Chris in his dream.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re going to kill me.”  Zach let his head fall back on the pillow as Chris grunted a laugh and then continued to give him a _spectacular_ blowjob.  Seriously.  Chris had skills — wicked, mad skills — that had not been sufficiently explored the night before.  Normally Zach would have wanted to take control, but he gave himself over to Chris, who was working some insane magic with his tongue.  He was already so far gone.  Zach thrust helplessly, and then Chris took him deep and he came and came and came.

“Good morning,” he heard by his ear as the rushing in his ears quieted and the world came into focus.  

He wrapped his arms around Chris’ shoulders and pulled him into a fierce hug.  “You have a phenomenal gift for understatement, Pine.”  Chris laughed.  “Among other things,” Zach added.

“Couldn’t have been that great if you’re still forming words like ‘phenomenal’.”

“Don’t argue with me,” he said, turning his body toward Chris and cradling his head so he could kiss him.  It was slow and sloppy and morning-warm.  Chris moaned into his mouth as Zach rolled them on to their sides, still kissing, and dragged his hand down to Chris’ very hard cock.  Zach swiped his thumb across the tip, smearing the moisture there as Chris gasped and rocked his hips.  

“Good morning,” Zach whispered into Chris’ mouth, taking his cock firmly in hand.  “What would you like?”  

“This,” he moaned, grabbing onto Zach’s shoulders.  “More of this.”

“Okay,” he whispered, melting back into the kiss and stroking Chris with purpose.  

Chris was already close and clinging to him, whispering his name between kisses, and then arching.  He was almost there, almost there.  

“Zach…”

“I’ve got you,” he said, cradling Chris’ head and making his strokes match the urgency in Chris’ voice.  And then Chris was coming in warm spurts over Zach’s hand and hot gasps across his cheeks.  After letting him to recover a moment, Zach moved his kiss to Chris’ forehead, held him tightly, and waited for his breathing to calm.  He would have been happy to lie like that for another hour, but the dreamy, sated bliss was soon interrupted by the clack of paws against the floor and canine whimpers.

“Sorry,” Zach said, laughing as he kissed the top of Chris’ head and started to extricate himself.

“No problem,” Chris said, scrubbing his hand over his face and then looking up at Zach with a sated smile.  “Nature’s calling me, too.  Plus, pancakes,” he said, wagging his eyebrows.

They cleaned up and put the sleep pants back on — very poorly named considering they only put them on to get out of bed.  Chris got comfortable in the kitchen while Zach took care of the dogs' breakfast and a few other chores.  By the time he made it back into the kitchen, Chris had poured juice, started coffee, and was cooking the first batch of pancakes.  And he looked good like that… taking over Zach’s kitchen as if it were his own.  Zach bit back a smile and got coffee mugs out for them.

“Do you have a charger?  I think Katie’s sent me about twenty texts, but the phone died when I tried to open them.”

“Sure,” he said, pulling it out of a drawer.  “But let’s talk before you answer her in any detail.”  Chris paused with the spatula mid-flip, and Zach placed a hand on his hip and kissed his shoulder.  “Not about anything bad.  Let’s just get on the same page before we start letting anyone else into this little bubble.  I have a new-found respect for open and perhaps overly clear communication.”   

Chris huffed a laugh and relaxed his shoulders.  “Fair enough.”


	7. The Importance of Capital Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they'd done things in the normal order, Zach would already know all this...

The pancakes were delicious, and a lazy morning with Chris was delicious, too.  But everything he didn’t know or didn’t understand was starting to nag at the back of his mind.  When they were done eating, he left the dishes behind, took Chris by the hand, and led him to the sofa.  They settled on opposite ends of the couch, facing each other and leaning against the padded arms to give their full stomachs room to digest.  Zach reached for Chris’ feet, pulling them into his lap and running his thumb over one of the bare ankles.  It was ridiculously petite.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

“Touch my ankle?  No.  How long?” he asked, smiling.

“When did you start the dress-shoes-with-no-socks thing?”

Chris shook his head, laughing.  “You do that, too.”

“Just to spite you,” Zach said, taking a sip of coffee, “and not nearly to the same effect.”  He rubbed his hand over Chris’ ankle again, ridiculously happy that he was allowed to.  But he needed to focus.  He cleared his throat.  “So, you know how you said that we were sort of already in the middle?”

Chris sat up, recognizing that the mood had just shifted.  “Yeah.  I said you could make demands.”

“Right.  Well, it does feel like that in a lot of ways, but there are still a lot of things I don’t know about you that I would if we really were in the middle after a bunch of dates, and it’s throwing me off balance.  Not knowing.”

“Okay,” he said, leaning back again.  “What do you want to know?”

Zach gave Chris’ ankle an affectionate squeeze, hoping he wouldn’t feel too much like he was being interrogated.

“How long have you known you were bisexual?”

“Since college.  Well, since 7th grade, if my reactions to the Rodriguez twins were any indication.  They were fraternal — a boy and a girl — and I dreamt about kissing each of them about equally.  They had these amazing eyelashes…”  Chris was looking at Zach’s face intently, and he felt a blush start to rise in his cheeks.  “Anyway,” Chris said taking another sip of coffee, “I didn’t start acting on it until college.”

Zach nodded, taking that in.  “Have you ever had a relationship with a man?”

“A couple, yeah.  In fact, my longest relationships have been with men.”

“God, how did I not know that?” Zach asked absently.

“Well, to be fair, most of them were before I knew you, and they were all closeted.   _Really_ closeted.  The longest, one from college, lasted nearly three years and he didn’t even want me to tell my folks his name, he was in so deep.  It sort of sucked, actually.”  

“I’m sorry.”

Chris just shrugged and took another sip of coffee.  “I’ve dated more women than men, but most have them have been lowercase relationships, whereas the men were all uppercase.”

Zach furrowed a brow.  “Was that even English?”

“I mean, a girlfriend little-g,” Chris held his forefinger and thumb about an inch apart, showing just how small a “g” he meant, “would be someone I’d take on dates exclusively — because I don’t date more than one person at a time, even casually — but I wouldn’t be going to Ikea on the weekends and picking out dishes or bookcases together, you know?  Whereas a Boyfriend or Girlfriend with capital letters would be someone I’d integrate into my life a lot more.  I’ve had a fair number of girlfriends,” he made the little sign with his hand again, “but more Boyfriends than Girlfriends,” he said, stretching the distance between his finger and thumb to show he meant capital letters.

“Huh.  Does that seem strange?”  

Chris shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I think I fall harder for guys.  Like, it works better for some reason.  I’m not attracted to as many, but when I am, we’re more compatible and the relationship sticks.”

“So the guy at the party was an ex?”

“No!”  Chris eyes got absurdly wide.  “No, that was just… a friend from college.”

“A friend with benefits?”  Zach didn’t like the jealousy that was so clear in his voice, but he couldn’t really help it.

“Not usually.  Neither of us was attached, and it had been a long time for both of us.  Ian—”

Zach groaned, letting his head fall back.

“What?”

“I wasn’t sure I wanted his name.  I might hate him a little.”

Chris smiled.  “Well, I wish you wouldn’t.  He’s a friend of mine, and you really, _really_ have nothing to worry about.  He was around when I first acknowledged my sexuality, and sort of took me under his wing.  Helped me feel comfortable approaching men, taught me how to give a blowjob—”

“Oh, god,” Zach said, laughing.  “Now I can’t hate him!  After this morning… I have to send him flowers or a really good bottle of wine or something."  

A blush rose in Chris cheeks as he hid a small smile behind his coffee mug.

"So he was, like, your gay mentor?”

“My bisexual mentor,” Chris corrected with a smile.  “The first person who really made me feel okay with it.”

“Well, I guess I have to like him then,” Zach said, rubbing Chris’ ankle again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Zach answered.  "This has to go both ways if it's going to work," he said motioning between them.

"Have you ever been in a relationship with a bisexual?"

"Not anyone who would self-identify as one."

"What's that mean?"

"Well, I know straight people who went through a bicurious stage in college, and I know — and have dated — gay people who were in denial early in their lives and tried to have relationships with women.  But other than you, I only know one person who goes back and forth, and he's... Well, he doesn't take any of it very seriously.  Sort of uses people."

"Hmmm.  Well it's possible that some of those people really are bisexual, they just favor one end of the spectrum or another.  It's called the Kinsey scale because it really is a continuum."

"There's a Star Trek joke in there somewhere."

Chris snorted.  "Let's not.  Though Jadzia Dax..."

Zach hummed in agreement.  "There are many reasons to be proud of the franchise, and Deep Space Nine is right up there.  So your score?"

"Right in the middle," Chris said with a shrug.  And Zach would be lying if he said he was completely comfortable with that.  As he'd said yesterday, there were ways in which he just couldn't compete with a woman.  If Chris were really equally attracted to both--

"Zach?" Chris interrupted as if he could read Zach's thoughts.  "When I'm with someone, I'm with them.  I don't look for things on the side.  Despite being bisexual, I'm pretty old-fashioned."

"I'm sorry."  Zach felt a bit mortified that his doubts must have shown so clearly on his face.

"Don't be.  It's a conversation I'm used to having."

The sadness in Chris' voice was so painful, Zach resolved right then to dismiss his doubts and take Chris at his word.  He knew Chris.  Knew him well.  And it was true he'd only ever seen him date one person at a time.  Zach was probably more promiscuous, dating around when he wasn't in a relationship.  

He tugged on Chris’ leg, and Chris set his coffee down and allowed himself to be pulled onto Zach’s lap.  When he had Chris settled, faces intimately close, he whispered, “Okay.  If you’re with me, you’re with me.”

“I’ve wanted to be with you… God, Zach, for so long.  It’s in my bones: a part of me that I thought I’d just have to live with forever, unrequited.  I’m not going to screw it up.”

“Me, too.  It’s sort of terrifying.  If this doesn’t work, we’ll lose so much.  But if it does…”

“If it does, it’ll be amazing.”

Zach pulled Chris down into a kiss.  They both jumped as Chris’ phone buzzed in the other room.  

“That’s probably Katie texting again,” Chris whispered into Zach’s mouth.

“Okay, one last thing.  You said the other guys you’ve had relationships with were closeted, but I’m not.”

“Spotted that, yeah.”

“But you are.”

Chris pulled back.  “Not really.  My family knows.  My publicist knows.  My close friends who aren’t really dense know…”

“Hey!”

Chris shrugged and grinned.

“But I don’t think the public knows,” Zach clarified.  “And if we’re seen out in the world together more than usual, or showing affection, they will.  It will be news.  And you don’t like the paps in your face.”

“I really don’t.”  Chris scrubbed his cheek thoughtfully.  “I suppose the best way to make it not be news is to get out ahead of them. Make an announcement.  It would be a headline for a day or two, maybe a week or two,” he said ruefully, “but then it would blow over.  As opposed to how it will be if they think they have a story we’re trying to hide.  They’ll be relentless.”

Tremendous relief surged through Zach.  He hadn’t really been sure Chris would even consider doing that.  Zach was not sure he could have handled trying to keep things quiet indefinitely.  But he shook his head.  “That’s true, but it would still be a circus, and I’m not sure I want the whole world in our bubble, quite yet.  Even if it took a day or two to get our publicists organized… I’m still getting used to the idea that I don’t have to repress my affection for you, and that I get to do this,” he pulled Chris down for another kiss.  “I just want you.  But I also don’t want to hide.”

“Okay,” said Chris, lowering his mouth to give Zach a slow, distracted kiss.  “So, why don’t we just tell friends and family, but keep it sort of quiet for a while… a honeymoon period.  But we'll prep a statement.  That way if we're outed, we take control of the press, and the paps don't have their story.”

Zach bit back a grin and nodded as Chris’ phone buzzed again.

Chris groaned and pressed his forehead against Zach’s.  “She’s probably worried…”

“Go talk to her.  We have enough of a plan, now.”

“She can wait another minute.  So, we’re doing this?”

“We’re doing this.”

“Relationship with a big R?”

Zach’s cheeks hurt from grinning so hard. He nodded and kissed Chris again.

“This is one of my favorite parts,” Chris said softly as he ended the kiss and stroked Zach’s face.

“What?”

“This spot,” he said, stroking Zach’s cheek with his thumb.  “Your dimple shows anytime you smile, but when you smile big, you also get this indention up here, just under your eye.  It makes me so happy when I see it.”

Zach huffed a laugh and pushed Chris’ hips away.  “Go tell your sister that I’m your big-B-Boyfriend and stop making me feel self-conscious about my smile.”

“Your gorgeous smile.”

“Go!” Zach said, laughing.

“Hey, Katie,” he heard a moment later from the dining area.  “Yeah, I’m sorry… it’s been an eventful twenty-four hours.  Actually, twenty hours...”


	8. Reality Encroaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, right... they had lives, with demands and people who thought they knew best...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still thanking Juno and now NixDucky for beta reading for me. And NixDucky again for my beautiful new banner for the series! I'm posting one with Assumptions and one with Revelations. Thanks, Ducky!!

Zach tried not to eavesdrop, but Chris wasn’t really trying to have a private conversation, and when he pulled the phone away from his ear, Zach could hear Katie’s happy squeal from across the room.

“Go well?” he asked as Chris came back into the kitchen.  Zach was just putting the last dish away.

“I think you heard.  I think your neighbors heard,” Chris said laughing.  “She wants us over to dinner this week, and I have to tell my folks before she calls them tomorrow, or else she’ll end up telling them out of excitement.  She’s really happy for us.”

“Good,” Zach said, kissing Chris because… well, because he could.  “I guess it’s my turn, then."

Zach went to his office, where his phone had charged overnight.  There were a bunch of messages he ignored as he pulled up Joe’s number.  He leaned against the desk as it rang through, wondering if Joe would be as excited for them as Katie had been.

He wasn’t.

“Chris is straight,” Joe insisted.

“I can now testify in a court of law that he’s not.”

“Zach,” came the exasperated reply.  “I know he’s a great guy and you think you have this epic bond—”

“A little less sarcasm, please.”

“—but you can’t seriously think he’s going to give up women for you.”

It went downhill from there.  Zach felt completely defeated as he  reentered the livingroom — until he saw Chris, still in his  sleep pants, sitting on the floor playing with the dogs.  All three of them were happy and playful and belonged there; it just looked _right_ , dammit.  He could have this. His  brother would come around eventually.

“What did Joe say?” Chris asked happily, and Zach hated that he couldn’t relate better news.

“Uh… there wasn’t any squealing.”

Chris looked up at him, searching his face.  “He doesn’t approve.”  It was a statement.

Zach sighed.  “It doesn’t matter.”

“I thought he liked me.”

“He does,” Zach said.  “He’s just sure he’ll have to pick up my broken heart after you go chasing breasts at some point.”

Chris gaped.

“I told him that was stupid—”

“Stop.”  Chris was up off the floor and standing in front of Zach, hand on his cheek.  “Just… look, I fall for whole people, not body parts.  And while I appreciate a nice pair of breasts on the right person, I’ve fallen for you, and frankly, they would look ridiculous on you.”

Zach huffed a laugh.  “I don’t have the bone structure.”  

Chris kissed him and wrapped his arms around him.  “Neither do I,” he whispered, pushing fingers through Zach’s hair to get it out of his eyes.  “Your body is _stunning_.  I can’t wait to learn all its secrets.  And your mind and heart and laughter...  I’m attracted to all of you.”

And Zach knew, could feel it.  “Joe’s being an ass.”

“It’s okay.  He’s being protective of his little brother.  We’ll just show him.”

“You’re taking this really well.”

Chris shrugged.  “Your opinion is the one that matters to me.  Everything else will fall in place over time.   Now, these two,” he said, nodding at the dogs, “are going to tear your place apart if they don’t get some exercise.  And I’ve been inside for a few days, too.  So why don’t we go for our usual run, and then figure out a plan for the rest of the day.”

They ended up walking the dogs around the block, and then going on a longer run without them.  They couldn’t take their usual route; it was too late in the day, and the sidewalks near the shops were already crowded.  So they kept to the quieter residential streets, winding through neighborhoods, climbing over hills and finally dropping down to the main thoroughfare to circle the lake.  They slowly wound their way back to Zach’s place from there, and it felt both familiar and new.  The pound of their shoes, the way they kept pace as they crossed streets or avoided pedestrians — that all felt familiar.  What felt new was this energy between them. Zach felt an acute awareness of the athleticism of Chris’ body.  Of how much it appealed to him.  And while in the past he may have squashed those feelings down or argued that he could admire Chris aesthetically without it meaning anything more, he now just luxuriated in it.  Chris caught him looking and just smiled back.  They didn’t make any move to touch.  To an outside observer, it probably looked like any other run they’d ever taken together.  But it felt different, and Zach liked the change.

They stumbled back into Zach’s home, both heading straight to the kitchen.  Zach poured them each a glass of filtered water, but when he turned to hand Chris his, he was frowning at his phone.

“Everything okay?”

Chris was still scrolling with his thumb, shaking his head.  He switched to a different message and let out a low whistle, looking up.

“Uh, I may have screwed up a little with my drop-everything-and-head-to-Zach’s-house thing yesterday.  I mean, this,” he waved his hand between them, “is worth the fallout, but I may have dropped a few balls.”

“Important balls?”

Chris sighed and took a long drink of water.  “Just before I left, a courier came over with a thick envelope of papers.  Apparently I was meant to read them, make comments, and sign them by today.  I didn’t even open the envelope.  They’re still in my entry.”

Zach felt his hopes for the day slip away.

“I should go home.  I don’t have any clothes here anyway, and there’s a chance I can still get this out today—”  It was going to feel so strange if Chris left.  He’d laughed at Chris just last night for not wanting to leave the bed, but now he felt an irrational need to keep him here.  Which was ridiculous.  If this was going to work — if a relationship between them was going to work at all — they needed to find a way to fit into each other’s lives, not distract each other from them.  “—around six-thirty maybe?”

Chris was looking at him, obviously expecting an answer.  Zach cursed his introspection.

“So are you?  Free tonight?”

Zach was tempted to just say yes and cancel anything he may have, but he dutifully looked at his phone.  Coffee with Joe.  Well, that was getting cancelled.  “I’m free.”

“And you’ll let me take you out to dinner?”

Zach grinned, the prospect of an afternoon to himself not nearly as foreboding as it had seemed just seconds before.

“I’m ordering the lobster.”

“You don’t even know where I’m taking you.”

They finished their water and Chris debated changing back into his own clothes, when his phone rang.  He groaned, looking to see who it was.  “I need to take this.”

“Have fun.  I’m taking a shower.  I’d invite you to come, but you have important movie-star stuff to do—” he dodged the towel Chris tried to snap at him.  “If you’re gone when I get out, I’ll see you at six-thirty.”

He gave Chris a quick kiss and walked to the back room as Chris answered the phone with an “I’m here, I’m here.”

He held out a small hope that Chris would join him anyway, but it never happened.  Instead, he came out of the shower with his towel wrapped around his hips to find the dogs laying on the bed, which Chris had actually made before he left.  And that seemed like a strange thing to make a priority, but Zach appreciated it, especially when he found a note folded on the pillow saying Chris couldn’t wait to see him tonight.  He leaned over and smelled the linen.  It still smelled like Chris and sex.  Zach smiled as he dressed.

He called his mom first.  She said that she’d always seen something between the two of them — “all those interviews where he couldn’t keep his eyes off you, Zachary” — and just hadn’t known how it would manifest.  Whether they’d end up as brothers or lovers.  “He really accepts you, Zachary.  All these years he’s been there.  You know how to work together and play together.  Don’t be afraid of that.  That kind of acceptance can be the best thing in the world… terrifying, but wonderful.”  Her voice had taken on a wistful tone, and Zach thought that he probably didn’t know the complexity of her relationship with his dad, or how much she missed him.  

He spoke to his publicists next, and she had apparently already heard from Chris’ and they were working on a statement that could be pulled out if needed.  Actually, it sounded like they were drafting a few: Plans A, B, and C, depending on the when they were outed.

“Are you okay with this?” she asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I thought you railed against closets, now.  Are you sure this is the right guy for you if he’s in one?”

Zach laughed at the irony.  “It was my idea.  I just… I want him to myself for a while.”

He could almost hear her smile.  “Well, I will do my best to minimize any fallout from that selfishness.”

Zach spent the rest of the afternoon reading a script in the sunshine of the back yard.  At four-thirty his phone buzzed, indicating a text.

_: We have a reservation, but a bit later than I’d hoped.  Pick you up at 7? -C_

_: Sounds fine.  How should I dress?_

_: Not a suit, but maybe a jacket.  We’ll be outside.  May get cold._

Well, that was intriguing.  Script reading was out of the question, now.  Zach found himself distracted as if this really were a first date and he wanted to impress Chris.  And he _did_ want to impress him, despite the fact that they’d spent large portions of the last twenty four hours in bed and he’d had more orgasms during that time than the month before. And despite the fact that Chris already knew all his worst traits — grumpy before coffee, bitchy on the road, competitive to an absurd degree over trifles like clothes and words — yet he was still by Zach’s side.

He went to his closet and agonized.


	9. A Second First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris Pine being mysterious... well, it's a little bit scary, to be honest.

An hour later he was torn between texting a funny observation to his best friend and trying to look cool to a date.  The friendship won out.

:  _ I’m a mess, and it’s your fault. -Z _

:  _ I like you a mess.  Why is it my fault? _

:  _ You’re being mysterious.  I can’t decide what to wear. _

:  _ And people call me a princess… Do I get a vote? _

:  _ Do you want one? _

:  _ Have I ever told you how much I like the chocolate jacket? _

:  _ Do you?  That’s interesting. _

:  _ Now you know all my secrets. _

:  _ Hardly.  But that’s one more I do know.  See you at 7. _

Chris was right on time, and Zach felt nervous excitement as he opened the door.

“Hey,” Chris said as he came in, sliding his hand inside Zach’s jacket and pulling him in for a kiss.  “I’ve been looking forward to that ever since I left.”  Zach hummed in agreement and nipped at Chris’ bottom lip.  Chris smelled incredibly good,  _ looked _ incredibly good, and Zach was starting to think that a restaurant wasn’t nearly as appealing as the bedroom.

“This new?” Chris asked as he pulled away, fingering the lapel of Zach’s jacket.

“I bought it last week.  I thought if you liked the chocolate…”

“Hmmm.  It’s even better.  Richer brown.  Brings out the amber in your eyes even more.”

Chris kept the kiss shallow, despite Zach's effort to deepen it, but the arm around his back under his jacket was possessive and thrilling.

"Ready?" Chris ask against his lips.  

"Unless you want to order Thai and have a picnic on the bed."

"Not a chance, though that's a good idea for another night."  Chris put a respectable amount of distance between them before opening the door.  

"Where are we going," Zach asked as they settled into the car.

"North," Chris answered with a smile.  Zach just rolled his eyes.  Mysterious bastard.  

Conversation was easy as they moved through the traffic of the freeway to a road that began to head into the hills.  Chris told him about the calls he'd made to his family and publicist, and then told him about the forms that had prompted his abrupt departure.  "It's all fine now, but they were trying to add something to the contract, and I needed to go over it with my lawyer to make sure I understood."

"Something bad?"

"Not really.  Has to do with press and marketing.  I just hadn't seen it before.  Anyway, it's taken care of now.  No one should be screaming for me for a few hours." Chris moved his right hand to Zach's knee, and Zach covered it, smiling as he looked out the window.  They just kept climbing.

"Seriously, where are we going?  This is all residential."

Chris looked over and smiled.  "There are a few pockets of the old houses from the thirties up here, and some of those are businesses now.  This restaurant is owned by a friend of a friend of Katie's.  We've had some family functions here over the years.  It's... Well, you'll see."

The sun went down and the scattered clouds were painted orange and pink against the lavender sky as they pulled up in front of a quaint one-story house with a round turret in the corner.  Chris led him to the porch and opened the arched door into a small, wood-paneled entry.

"Chris!"  A woman made her way around a small writing desk to greet them.  Open archways in three directions led cozy rooms of tables, mostly full of dinner guests.

"Hey, Alex," Chris said, bending down to kiss the petite blonde on her cheek.  "Thanks again for fitting us in.  This is Zach."

"Welcome, Zach," she said, and Zach was surprised to be the recipient of a kiss as well.  "I've cleared the balcony for you, so you shouldn't be disturbed."

Soon they were seated at a table for two  on a small deck overlooking a canyon.  The sharp scent of chaparral blended with the aromas from the kitchen, and scattered houses dotted the valley with soft illumination.  In the distance to the south, the canyon opened to the Los Angeles basin, where even now city lights were glowing against the darkening purple twilight.  The balcony was lit only by strings of fairy lights and candles on the tables, so that once the wine order was placed and the server left to give them some time with the menu, it felt very private.

Chris was watching him as he took everything in.  Acting nervous... or maybe excited.  That's  when Zach realized he was being  _ romanced _ —  and he couldn't think of the last time that had happened.  Chris wanted to impress him, and not in some flashy Hollywood way, but like this: beautiful, quiet, understated.  

"This is amazing, Chris," he said simply, watching as the tension in Chris's shoulders melted away.

"Wait 'til you taste the food," he said with a wide grin.  "I love this place.  I've never brought anyone before, but I've always loved it when we had family dinners.  I was lucky Alex could get us in on such short notice.  Well, there  _ may _ have been some begging involved," he joked.

Zach leaned forward, his elbows braced on the table.  "You  are hard to resist when you beg."

A blush moved up Chris' cheeks, but his eyes held Zach's steadily, almost challenging.  Chris might sometimes have submissive tendencies in bed, but he was hardly coy when he knew what he wanted.  The air across the table felt thick with attraction they were  _ supposed _ to be hiding,  and it was probably good that the wine came at that moment, because Zach was sorely tempted to escalate the palpable tension already.

But a very lovely bottle of Brunello arrived, and the waiter fussed over glasses, took their appetizer orders, and told them the specials.  By the time he left, the energy between them had retreated to something less acute and more comfortable.  Still Zach felt hyper aware of details: Chris’ laugh, the way he rubbed the scruff on his chin as he looked at the menu, the way his hand kept edging just a little closer to Zach’s...  

“So why does Alex think we need privacy?” Zach finally asked after the salad plates were cleared.  

“New script,” he said taking another sip of wine, eyes dancing over the glass.   

So they did talk about scripts, though not the one that Alex probably assumed they were discussing; neither of them had seen the Star Trek script yet.  One of the things Zach always enjoyed about discussing stories with Chris,  whether they be books, scripts, or finished films, was that he was able to dissect the plot, find the rhythm, put it back together.  Zach was good at finding the arch of a character, but Chris could decipher how all those archs made a whole that was greater than the sums.  Why certain characters had to fall, what would have happened if they hadn’t.

He told Chris about the script he was expecting rewrites for, and the one he’d been reading that afternoon.  And Chris told him about the nine scripts he read the week before The Party, because English majors apparently had speed-analytical-reading 101 as a lower division class.  By the time the meal was over they were laughing so hard it was just as well they didn’t have an audience — or anyone they could disturb.

“So you won’t be taking the vampire role?” Chris asked.

“No,” Zach said.  “Tempting as an Edwardian horror film might be.  Of course, if it were Pride and Prejudice and Zombies I might be tempted to—”

“—Don’t even joke about that!  Seriously.  The Berkeley English Department has dungeons for the heretical, and I still have my membership card.”

Zach bit his lip, not trusting himself to respond appropriately as visions of Chris tied to his bed rose from the mere _mention_ of a dungeon.  Chris’ mind must have been similarly distracted, because his smile softened and his eyes gleamed.

They shared dessert, opting for tiramisu because it had grown far too cool for sorbet.  All the heat between them from earlier was back, but now with the knowledge that the meal was nearly over and they’d have true privacy soon.  While the dinner had been a perfect blend of romantic and fun, the atmosphere between them now was moving toward the carnal.  At least Zach’s dick thought so.  And seriously, if Chris licked cream off his lips one more time, Zach was going to leap across the table and help him with his own tongue.  It was time to leave.

As soon as they got in the car and pulled away, Chris reached over and laced their fingers together in a way Zach could definitely get used to. Chris continued a conversation they'd started earlier about upcoming projects and schedules.

"Oh, so you can't stay tonight," Zach asked as he began to understand the schedule.

"Sorry, no.  Early meeting downtown tomorrow morning.  I thought about bringing extra clothes, but I don't quite trust myself to get out of a bed you’re sleeping in yet."  He flashed Zach a shy smile that went straight to his cock.  "But why don't you come over to my place tomorrow night?  I can grill some chicken or something."

"I can't leave the dogs."

"Bring them."

"They'll take over,” Zach warned.  “Skunk will mark, and you'll know how he got his name."

Chris barked a laugh.  "I think the carpets can handle it.  Bring your babies, Zach."

Zach nodded, biting back a grin.  "Okay.  Pine home invasion scheduled for tomorrow night.  Oh, wait."  He pulled out his phone and looked at his schedule.  "Actually, it will have to wait until the next night.  I have a charity thing tomorrow evening."  

"How late will it go?"

"I'm not sure.  It's for LGTB foster youth, and I'm giving out some awards.  Community building, that sort of thing."

"That sounds great.  Okay, so the next night."  He pulled out his phone and checked it at the next stop light.  "That will work for me, and no meetings the next morning.  It's a date."

Chris walked him to his door, coming in just long enough to give him a sweet and lingering kiss.  And it was a perfect first date — second first date — except now he had a persistent erection, and no Chris in his bed.  Still the sigh that he closed the door with was much more happy than frustrated. He met the dogs’ enthusiastic greeting with a loopy grin on his face.  Because, really?  He hadn’t had that much fun just having dinner in a really, really long time.     


 

 

 


	10. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to Chris to be kinky AND romantic in the same twenty-five-word note...

Zach let the dogs outside and basked in the post-date glow.  It had been a long time since someone had tried to woo him, and he felt charmed by Chris’ attentions.  They weren’t necessary; Zach was already committed to this thing they had.  But it was still really nice.

It was a little strange, Zach reflected a while later as he got ready for bed.  He couldn’t quite reconcile his friend with this sweet, romantic date — or with the sexy man asking to be tied to his bed and fucked _any way Zach wanted._  Jesus.  He almost felt guilty thinking about Chris like that after he'd been such a gentleman tonight.  He was tempted to use this time alone to research restraints, and everything that could go along with this dynamic they’d stumbled upon together.  Zach was vaguely aware of BDSM subculture, and he didn’t know much, but it seemed to him that the one doing the tying must have a lot more responsibility to make sure things went well than the one being tied down.  If they were going to pursue this, even casually, he needed to do some research.  But it felt a little weird.  Like he was doing something behind Chris’ back that they should do together.  Or Chris was too nice a boy to think about like that.  Zach actually laughed aloud at that thought.  Chris _was_ a nice boy — nice man — but clearly he had a playful, sexy, kinky side.  Dungeons at Berkeley...

Zach climbed into bed and stretched out, palming his erection with one hand and reaching the other up over his head and under his pillow, trying to get comfortable.  And there was something there.  Paper.  And—

Zach pulled out a note and the ruined remains of a silk tie.  The note read: _By the time you find this, I’ll be at home with the other tie, thinking of you and putting it to good use.  Sleep well. -C_

Zach groaned, suddenly much harder.  Leave it to Chris to be kinky and romantic in the same twenty-five words.  And if Chris was going to keep bringing it up, Zach was running with that.  He grabbed his laptop and brought it to the bed propping some pillows up against the headboard so he could lean back.  He set the computer next to him and started typing search terms with one hand.

It took about ten minutes to learn several critical things.  First, he _really_ liked pictures of people bound with ropes.  Some of them… the aesthetics of the photos were beautiful.  Hot.   _But_ , it took a long time, which wasn’t really conducive to spontaneous sex.  And when it went wrong, it could damage the skin.  Usually not permanently, but Chris’ skin was important for his career, and even if the burns took a few days or weeks to fade… it just wasn’t something Zach was willing to risk.  Not until he had a lot more experience and knowledge, assuming Chris gave him the chance to acquire it.

Fortunately, the internet was bursting with alternatives: cuffs, collars, metal restraints, fist mitts, hoods, straight jackets, full body encasements...  it was dizzying.  Some items were much more involved than Zach really wanted to get.  Much of it wasn’t just bondage, but sadomasochism.  He didn’t get off on the idea of causing Chris pain.  Not more than a swat or two on the ass, anyway.  There was a whole series of pages on electrical devices.  Zach closed those tabs quickly.

He blew out a deep breath, refocusing on what he’d liked about the experience of binding Chris, and what Chris had seemed to enjoy about it.  It wasn’t pain.  There hadn’t been any pain.  It was control.  And for Chris, the giving up of control.  It was the idea that he could put Chris in any position he wanted and he would stay there, let Zach do what he wanted for as long as he wanted, and there was nothing he could do about it.  Well, not really.  Zach would cut him lose if he really didn’t want to be there.  But that was the illusion, the suspension of disbelief.  That Chris was at his mercy, and he could move into as many positions as he wanted, experiment with angles until he found the ones that made Chris pant and babble and cry out.  He wanted to not only be able to flip Chris over, as he had with the ties, but tie his hands behind him, or spread eagle, without having to undo everything and start over.

So what he was looking for was something flexible.  Something that would allow him to tie Chris up in dozens of different ways, like a rope, but without the downside of ropes.  He was clicking through multiple sites when a series of pictures caught his attention.  A man was wearing multiple black leather cuffs — at his wrists, biceps, thighs, and ankles — as well as a belt and a collar.  Each had metal rings protruding, which could be linked by snap hooks or carabiners.  There were four poses shown with just the cuffs, and four more with additional pieces — spreader bars, furniture with rings allowing the cuffs to be fastened — the possibilities seemed endless.

There was a video.  The man in all those cuffs.  First his hands were hooked behind his back.  He was made to kneel and his wrists were hooked to his ankles.  A short spreader bar was fastened between the cuffs on his thighs, forcing his knees apart.  He was breathing hard, forced to lean back and present his jutting, hard cock to his Dom.  And oh, fuck... he could imagine Chris _exactly_ like that, and felt sure he would love it.  Zach grabbed some lube, pushing the computer a little further away with his clean hand.  His strokes grew more insistent on his cock as he watch the Dom crowd the man, stand over him, slide his cock into the bound man's mouth.  Zach closed his eye, imagining Chris' mouth.  Remembering the incredible blowjob he'd received that morning. It had been so fucking good.  Noises from the screen caught his attention in time to watch the Dom unlatch the carabiners and reposition the sub so he was standing next to the long edge of a padded table, legs still held apart by the bar.  A few clicks and the sub's hands were spread wide and attached to either end of the table, forcing his chest and shoulders against the padding, bending him over, exposing his ass.  Zach didn't need to watch anymore.  He was vaguely aware of spanking, rimming, and and eventual fucking, but his imagination was doing an excellent job of providing the sounds Chris would make in that position, how he would look, what he would ask for, _beg_ for—

Zach came hard, the entire evening of emotional and verbal foreplay culminating in harsh gasps and hot come splashing against his knuckles as he arched in release.

Leaning heavily against the pillows, recovering slowly, Zach registered an electronic sound that wasn't his laptop.  He opened his eyes, blinking in confusion until he localized the sound of his phone vibrating quietly across the room.  Taking a small towel from his drawer for his hand, he retrieved it to find a text Chris had sent about twenty minutes earlier.

: _Had a great time tonight._

He smiled and typed: _Me, too.  Found your note..._

: _That explains the slow response time._

Zach laughed and considered sharing his research, but decided it was more of an "in person" conversation.  

: _My bed still smells like you.  It's nice._

: _God, Zach... Should I come back?_

: _No.  It’s fine, actually.  You need sleep, and I’m enjoying missing you.  Good luck tomorrow morning._

: _And good luck with your awards_

: _Sleep well_

: _You too_

Zach half expected another reply, and was afraid that if it came they would do that _thing_.  That thing where neither wanted to be the last to talk or say goodbye and it got awkward or stupidly sweet.  But after several moments it hadn’t come, and that was good, because they weren’t _actually_ idiotic teenagers in love — he just felt like one.   He put the phone on the charger and washed his hands.  As he climbed back into bed he saw that the laptop was still open.  The video was frozen on a “temptation” frame: the sub kneeling with his wrists and ankles bound behind him.  The position was still enticing, even now that he wasn’t horny anymore.  Then he noticed that just under video frame was a button: “Products used in this video”.  He clicked it, read the first line, and barked a laugh. All the cuffs and collar came from one product: the deluxe “Your Ass is Mine” bondage kit.  Zach’s cock twitched as he added it to his shopping cart.

He slept with the tie under his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Your Ass Is Mine" bondage kit is a real product (yes, I did some research, too), though my fictional "deluxe" version has a few additional things included ;-)
> 
> Thanks, as usual, to JunoMagic and NixDucky for their help editing this chapter.


	11. Fitting Together

The week went by quickly.  Chris and Zach were both busy with their respective work and events, but managed to do something together nearly every day, even if it was just a talk on the phone.  The dogs had loved Chris’ back yard, and Zach had enjoyed naked hot-tubbing followed by sex under the stars (because sex in a hot tub, it turns out, is really _too_ hot), followed by more naked hot-tubbing.  They had mostly stayed at one or the other’s house when they got together, but they had ventured out into the world a few times: once for lunch, once when Chris talked him into a Dodger’s game (which was more fun than he expected), and once when they went to Katie’s for dinner.  And that had been fun, though she’d started the evening with a sisterly observation: “You know, for a couple of really smart guys, you both have a remarkable capacity for idiocy.”  Chris had just laced their fingers together and smiled.  “We’re aware.”

The sex was _amazing_ .  Chris was generous and fun, and their explorations of each other lacked the awkwardness typical in new relationships.   Probably because they’d known each other so well for so long, and Zach at least had been wanting this for a very long time.  But they hadn't ventured into anything particularly kinky since that first night.  Chris was so sweet and attentive and domestic when they were together, Zach would have been sure the bondage had just been a fantastical dream if he didn't have the ruined tie in the drawer of his nightstand.  But he did, so on nights they didn’t stay together, Zach continued his research, bookmarking tabs into “hell, yes”, “maybe”, and “I don’t _think_ so” categories.   And of course adding items to an ever-increasing shopping cart.  He hadn’t actually made any purchases yet, but he knew what he wanted to get.  At least most of what he wanted to get.  Assuming Chris was still interested.

They were at Zach’s house today.  Neither of them had any meetings or calls — just quiet work that could be done at home.  So they were experimenting.  Zach was in his office on the computer, reviewing the revisions to a script, and Chris was in the livingroom reading with the stereo on.  Zach had been a little worried that he’d find Chris’ presence too distracting.  Most of his other boyfriends had hated when he tried to work around them. They vied for attention, complained when things took too long.  But Chris had been propped sideways across the sofa for hours now, reading and taking notes in a small notebook.  As a result, Zach had actually accomplished a lot during that time.  And Chris seemed perfectly content.  Zach had gone  to the living room to grab a book off a shelf an hour or so ago, and Chris had hardly looked up, just flashing him a quick smile and then returning to his book, concentrating with his tongue peeking out the side of mouth, pen moving in his right hand.  And no one had any right to look so sexy in grey sweat pants and black reading glasses.  Honestly, how was it possible that they made his eyes look bluer?  Zach was discovering many things about himself in this new relationship, but the intellectual kink was perhaps the most surprising.  Or maybe it was just an intellectual Chris kink.

Zach continued to read, making electronic comments and typing a passage from the book he’d retrieved to help make the point.  He was just starting the last scene when Chris came in carrying a mug.  

“I found the cup of tea you made yourself and then forgot on the counter," he said. "It was cold, so I made you another one.”

Zach looked at the corner of his desk, where his mug was notably absent. Had he really done that?  He took the cup from Chris.  “Thanks.  I guess I’ve been a little…”

“Focused?” Chris asked with a smile, running his fingers through Zach’s hair as he stepped closer.  “How is it going?”

“It’s good.  The edits have really helped.  I just have one more scene to look at.”  

Chris hummed and dropped a kiss on his head.  “I was thinking we could keep dinner simple tonight… order in some Thai or pizza.”

“Thai sounds good, actually.  I should be done in about twenty minutes.”  

“No hurry.  I’ll place an order, and it will probably get here around the time you’re done.”

“Don’t forget—”

“The Som Tom… I know,” he said with a wink as he left Zach to finish his work.  

Through the haze of words on the screen, Zach was vaguely aware of Chris’ voice on the phone in the other room, and then the music changing from the instrumental jazz they’d been listening to all afternoon to a solo guitar and voice he didn’t recognize.  He emerged from the office ten minutes later.

“Who is this?”

Chris looked up from where he was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, a new book in his hand and the notebook absent.  “Nakhane Toure.  I figured the words would be okay now if you were nearly done..."

"It's nice," he said, looking at the iPod Chris had hooked up to his stereo.  "Not your usual classic rock fare."

Chris chuckled.  "I'm very versatile, I'll have you know.  Anyway, I thought you only listened to dance music until you pulled out the hipster bebop," he said with a grin.

"Miles Davis isn't hipster.  He was never obscure enough to be hipster."

"Okay, fine.  Sonny Rollins?  Wardell Grey? Coleman Hawkins?"

Zach shrugged in acquiescence.  "Maybe a bit hipster.  We could have listened to something else if it was bothering you."

"I loved it.  And everything old is new again.  But I was ready for something from this millennium."

Zach listened.  The music was so slow and spare he couldn't be sure, but, "Isn't this an 80's song?"

"Oh, well, yeah: this is a Cure cover.  Actually, I've been listening to this a lot on the nights we're not together.  But the whole album is great."  Zach tried to listen to the lyrics, touched by the intimacy of the performance... It was almost as if the artist were singing in a small, quiet room and could whisper the song and be heard.  But then the food arrived and the song changed to something more upbeat, and he stopped paying attention.

Soon Som Tom, spicy basil chicken, and Pad Thai were spread out on the table, and they were drinking a pale ale and stealing food off each other's plates as they talked about work and books and the beauty of efficient story-telling.  

"Some of the connections between the characters in this script are so tenuous that it would be easy for them to get lost, or to spend too much time explaining them.  But the writer’s so great, she just shows it with small looks, or one person entering a cafe as the other is leaving.  It’s going to take the right director to make it work.”

“You’ll need subtlety.”

“Yeah, which rules out two-thirds of Hollywood.”

Zach left Chris laughing at the table as he went to the kitchen to rinse the dishes and wrap up the leftovers.  When he was finished, he found Chris back in the living room, leaning heavily against a bookshelf and frowning.  

“Is something wrong?” Zach asked, coming up behind Chris to see the books he was looking at.  He couldn’t see anything worth frowning at.

Chris turned and smiled.  “Nope.”  But the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“Chris…”

“It’s not important.  This… everything’s been so great.”

“But?” Zach asked with trepidation.  God, he knew this had been too easy.  The way they fit together so effortlessly into each other’s lives, the way they understood each other.  There’s no way a relationship could be this simple.

“But nothing,” he said, leaning forward to kiss the corner of Zach’s mouth, laying a hand on his hip.

“Chris.”

“Zach,” he said making a funny face.  Obviously trying to change the subject.   Zach was having none of it.  He knew what happened when they didn’t talk.  He raised an eyebrow in his best Spock impression.  Chris’ initial reaction was a snort, but when Zach just tilted his head, he said, “Okay, okay.  I just… I wondered if you’d changed your mind.”

“About what?”  Chris couldn’t possibly think he didn’t want to be in a relationship with him.  Things had been so good.  So easy.  Chris was shifting his weight uncomfortably.  

“About… about online shopping,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Online shopping.  I mean, we don’t need to, but I thought we were both into it, and you haven’t said anything since that night.”

Zach laughed and leaned his forehead against Chris’ shoulder.  Well, if this was their big problem, he could fix it immediately.  “I’ve been been doing some research.”

Chris’ demeanor changed instantly.  The embarrassment was gone, replaced with a glint in his eyes.   “Oh, really?”

“Go sit on the sofa,” Zach whispered into his ear.  Chris shivered and then scrambled to comply.  And it shouldn’t thrill Zach to see Chris obey him like that, but it really did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nakhane Toure - Just Like Heaven — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al3Bc_CaVuI


	12. The Shopping Cart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's the "I don't think so" list, the "maybe" list, and the "Oh, hell YES" list.

Zach retrieved the laptop from his office and returned to find Chris sitting cross-legged on the sofa, looking as cozy and disheveled as he had all day.  Zach bit his lip, setting the computer down on the coffee table.  

“Do you need those to see the screen?” he asked as he opened the clam-shell and minimized the script he’d been editing.  The search windows he’d been using the last several nights popped up.  

“What, my glasses?  You don’t like them?”

“Oh, I like them.  I’ve liked them all day.  They’re fucking distracting,” Zach said, and Chris gave him a broad grin.  “But I think we should deal with one kink at a time.  So if you can see the screen without them, we’re more likely to make it through all the webpages.”

“How many are there?” Chris asked, shifting as he removed his glasses and set them on the table.  He was fidgeting, legs forward now, and Zach sat down next to him and placed a hand on his thigh.  Chris stilled, tensing self-consciously.  

“I’ve been busy,” Zach said, rubbing the soft fabric of the sweatpants over the taut muscles of Chris’ thighs until Chris relaxed back into the cushions. Fuck, he was beautiful.  And this was going to prove interesting.  He wondered if Chris was really ready for what that night had spurred in his mind.  “I think we should start with the things that I think _won’t_ work for us.  Is that okay?”

Chris nodded, anticipation clear on his face.

Zach brought up the first page from his “aw, hell no” collection.  A man knelt in a black straight jacket, his entire head and face covered by a leather mask.  His features — eyes, nose, ears, everything — were completely obscured except for his mouth, which was held open by a circular gag.  A cock, presumably belonging to the man’s Dom, was poised to enter the anonymous, featureless mouth.

Chris actually flinched back into the sofa.  “Wow, that’s... intense.”

“Yes, and not the least bit sexy, at least not to me.  If I’m going to fuck your face, I want to see it’s you.  This,” he motioned to the screen, “doesn’t do anything for me.”

“Okay, yeah, we’re on the same page here.”

“Good.”  And he could tell from Chris’ body language and the flagging of whatever semi he’d had when they started, it was the truth.  Zach closed that tab.  The next up was a close-up of a dick, balls bound so tight they were swollen and purple, wooden clips attached to the sack.  

Chris winced.

“A lot of the things I've researched are associated with a certain amount of pain.  There are things I think I could do, if it was going to excite you, but there are a lot I couldn’t.  Like this.”

“Yeah, I’m on board with not doing this.”

“Sorry,” Zach said, closing the tab.  “I’m not trying to freak you out, I just want us to talk about limits, and I think we’re both sort of new to this, so this seemed a good way of opening the conversation.  

“Yeah… that night was so easy, but I can see now that if we had different assumptions it could go really awkward—”

“Or worse,” Zach added.  The next picture was of a girl strapped down to a bed with thin straps.

Chris’ brows furrowed.  “This doesn’t work for you?  Because I thought this was more or less where we were headed.”

“Devil is in the details,” Zach said.  “This is a really lightweight kit.  Velcro cuffs and straps tightened with the hardware you’d find on a cheap backpack.  One tug and I think you’d get loose.  I _like_ watching your muscles as you struggle against the bonds.  I want something a bit more serious than this.”

Chris nodded, shifting slightly, and Zach noticed his semi was back under the soft fabric of the sweatpants.  Zach hoped it was for what he’d just said, and not the picture of the topless girl on the screen.  “I… that sounds good.  I mean, I want it to be secure, too.  I like feeling that… like I can pull and it doesn’t give.”  He paused for a moment, and added, “I like knowing you’re watching.”

Fuck, that was perfect.  Zach closed that tab, revealing one underneath. It was beautiful: a man lying on his side on a bed, arms tied behind him.   Loops and knots and twists of dark blue rope adorned his pale flesh from his shoulders to his ass, securing his arms in ten places before disappearing between his cheeks.   Zach had stared at the picture a lot over the last few days.

“ _This_ doesn’t do it for you?” Chris asked, adjusting himself.  “Because I think this looks—”

“Beautiful.  You would look gorgeous like this.  And god, it really does.  If you wanted to let me tie you up like this and take pictures, I’m sure it would get me through those times you’re shooting on another continent for a few weeks.  But as far as actually _having sex_ with you, it doesn’t work as well.”

“Oh,” Chris murmured, studying the picture more.  “Yeah, everything important is covered.”

“As is often the case.  And this probably took an hour to set up, and to change your position it would have to all be undone.  There’s no room for spontaneity.  If you watch porn where they use ropes, you’ll notice they never show the actual tying.  Takes too long.  And then there’s this.”  Zach switched to another tab, showing red welts.  “If it’s not done right, the marks can last for days or even weeks.  I don’t think you want to explain that to a makeup crew on set.”

Chris let out a low whistle, contemplating that.  “Okay, I see what you mean. But let’s not take this totally off the table.”

Zach nodded, closing those tabs and as a result that browser window.  His desktop was visible, and Chris let out a sigh.  

“So that’s it?  Nothing seemed to work?  Maybe we can just get some cheap ties.”

“There’s a whole other window of things I think could work,” Zach said, opening it and watching Chris’ face as he reacted to the man kneeling with eight leather cuffs and a collar on.

“Oh, fuck,” he said, palming his cock.  And Zack suddenly needed to see much more of him.  If he was going to share the next several tabs with Chris, he needed to understand his reactions.

“Take these off,” he whispered, pulling at the soft fabric.

Chris looked at him, arousal apparent, but still thinking.  “Okay, but you too.”

And if they were actually playing at Chris subbing, he’d refuse.  But in the mutual exploration of limits and desires, it only seemed fair.  They both stripped.  Chris sat facing the coffee table, and Zach sat sideways facing Chris.  They were both...interested, but not overly hard.  Zach hoped that would change momentarily.

“Hmmm, let’s start with this,” he said, switching tabs and pressing the play button on a video.  It was one of the first one he’d found that used this restraint system, and still a favorite, though it didn’t elicit the same response it had the first time.  He was too desensitized to it now.  But seeing Chris’ reaction — that was making him hard.  Chris’ eyes were blown wide and he was sinking back in the sofa.  He reached for his cock, but Zach took his wrist and forced his hand onto his thigh.  “No touching.  I want just your reactions to what you’re seeing.”

Chris made a small noise in the back of his throat but complied, grasping both thighs with his hands.

“Good,” Zach whispered.  “Fuck, you’d look so gorgeous like that” He nodded at the man on the screen, who was kneeling with his ankles and wrists bound together behind him, taking a cock in the mouth like it was oxygen.

Chris groaned.  He was obviously into it.  

“Now watch this.  See how easily they can change his position?  A few clicks…”

The man was now kneeling on a bench, wrists fastened to a wall.  Ass in the air.

“This is what you want to get for me?  For us?”

“Yeah.  It should be safe: strong enough to hold you steady, but thick enough not mark your skin, even if you really strain against it.”  He swallowed thickly at the thought.  “There are a lot of optional ah, _accessories_ , making it really versatile—”

“Do it.  Do it, Zach.  Fuck.”

“Can I show you some more?” he asked, switching to a different tab.  “I want to see your reactions to some of the add-ons.”

“Okay, but you’re going to have to touch me at some point.  God, this is so hot.”

“The videos?”

“ _You_ ,” Chris said with a groan.  “You, thinking about this, planning this, researching.  You’ve been jacking off to the thought of me like that, haven’t you?” he asked, nodding at the video.

Guilty as charged.

“We won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with,” Zach assured.  “I just don’t know what’s on the table or off.  And just because—”

Chris leaned over and kissed Zach mid-sentence.  “Play another video, Zach,” he whispered against his lips.

Zach clicked another tab… he’s not even sure which one shows what anymore.  A spreader bar was being attached to the loops on the thigh cuffs, forcing the man’s knees apart, and then he was being sucked off.   Just as it seemed he might come, the sting of a crop slapped against his thighs.  Then the mouth was back, and it repeated.

“You want to do this?” Chris asked, and Zach glanced down to see that Chris was still hard, despite the trepidation in his voice.

“It’s not that I particularly want to.  I don’t already have a crop in the shopping cart or anything.  More that I _could_ , if it got you off.  If it made you excited, I would get excited, too.  They’re using it to pull him back from the edge.  I don’t know how you feel about orgasm denial or delay, but that’s what’s happening here… it’s not pain for the sake of pain.  It’s pain to prolong the pleasure, and not much pain — just a bit of sting on the skin.  No marks.”

Chris was quiet for a while, watching, and Zach hoped he hadn’t pushed him too far.  “I don’t know,” he finally said.  “Two weeks ago I would have said no, but that night… you teased me about wanting to touch my cock and not being able to, and you were right: I would have had my own hand down there much earlier than you did.  But part of me really liked it.  And when I finally did come, it was so hard I saw stars.  So I think I like it.  I’m not sure I’d like _that_ ,” he said, nodding at the screen, “but he sure does.”

“You don’t have to decide now.  It’s just… an option.  Something to consider.”

“How many things are in the shopping cart?” Chris asked distractedly.  He seemed to be getting more turned on as he watched.

Zach pointed to the upper right corner of the screen where the little basket with “7” sat unobtrusively.  Chris raised an eyebrow with a smirk.  “Only seven?”

“Some of those are kits with multiple items.  And then I have some “maybe” items in a wish list for us to look at together.”  Some of _those_ were the things in these videos that Zach was showing Chris now.  The video ended, and Chris leaned forward to select another.  It wasn’t even one that Zach had created a tab for, though he remembered seeing it.  There was a spreader bar again, a bit longer this time, and a man bent over a bench, ankles and wrists secure.  He was being fingered, and Chris groaned in sympathy.  And if Chris was getting off imagining himself like that, Zach wanted to encourage that.  He placed his hand on Chris’ inner thigh, where the cuff would go, and applied gentle but steady pressure.  Chris resisted for a second, and then spread his legs, gasping as cool air reached his newly exposed skin.

“So good,” Zach whispered, threading the fingers of his other hand through Chris hair, all attention now on Chris.  “Let me see how much you like it.”

“Oh fuck, yes,” Chris said, letting his head fall back.  Zach glanced at the screen and saw a very large buttplug being worked into the man’s ass as he moaned.  Zach looked back at Chris, who was spreading his legs more, as if he were the one taking it.  

“You like that?” he asked, leaning forward to whisper in Chris ear as he increased the pressure on one of Chris’ legs to spread them wider still.  “You like things in your ass other than my cock?”

Chris nodded, a blush creeping up his cheeks.  And it seemed like he was speaking from experience rather than fantasy.  “Christopher?”

“I have a dildo at home,” Chris confessed breathlessly.

Zach hummed in approval.  “And have you been using it this week?”

Chris blush grew darker, and Zach groaned.  This opened up all sorts of possibilities that Zach hadn’t realized were on the table.  Things that weren’t in the shopping cart yet, but which he’d placed in the “maybe” pile.  Time to move them to the “oh, hell _yes_ ” group.  

On the video the man was now being paddled, each swat pushing the vibrating plug into his ass while stinging his skin, and Chris was responding beautifully until—

“I’ve seen enough,” Chris said, standing.

Wait, what?

Chris moved the computer from the table to the sofa — where he’d just been sitting a moment ago.  “What’s happening?” Zach asked, really hoping that he hadn’t somehow pushed Chris too far.

“You are buying everything in your shopping cart, plus everything in your “maybe” wish list, and I’m sucking you off, just slowly enough that you’ll still be able to function.”  He was already kneeling between Zach’s legs.

“Chris, we should really go through all of this.  You need to see—”

“No.  Look, I get that you’re trying to be responsible and discuss limits, but I’ve seen enough to know that our boundaries — our important boundaries — are in similar places.  And you’ve obviously given this a ton of thought and are going to make it fun, which is so great.  Thank you.  But part of what makes this interesting and exciting for me is not knowing.  And when I’m wearing those cuffs and collar and whatever else you buy for me, I _want_ you to push my boundaries a little.  I mean, if you’d asked me before that night if I liked rimming, I would have said ‘no’, because I had no idea.  Now, I _beg_ for it.  I didn’t know how much this bondage thing would turn me on, but I’ve jacked off with that tie and my dildo more than once this week.  I’m — no _we’re_ discovering things about my sexuality that I wouldn’t know except for you.  That I can only explore because I trust you so much, and know you care about me.  We’ll be safe and decide on words and everything we need to do so you feel okay too, but I _want_ you to surprise me.  And now I’m going to suck your dick.”

And oh _fuck_ Chris was really good at that.  Zach groaned and threaded a hand through Chris’ hair as Chris took him deep and then pulled back to tease.

“You are such a bossy bottom.”  The affection was obvious in Zach’s voice.  Chris just winked.

“You know, if I do buy all this stuff, and I get to actually tie you down to the furniture in any position I want, I’m going to have to teach you some patience.”

Chris closed his eyes and shivered.  

“Yes, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? And I know just what to add to the shopping cart.”  Chris threaded his fingers together behind his back and took Zach deep again.  Fucking gorgeous.

Navigating through the tabs with his right hand was awkward; doing so while getting a phenomenal blowjob was excruciatingly difficult.  But Zach managed to add four more items to the cart.  He was grateful the site accepted PayPal, because there was no way he was interrupting Chris’ efforts to get a credit card from his wallet.

“Enough!” he said when the purchase was finally made. Chris sat back on his heels, and Zach moved the laptop back to the coffee table to give them room.  “Get your ass up here on my lap.”


	13. Purchases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I bet you're shocked to hear from me again on this story. Sorry for the long hiatus. As some of you know, Zach posted an Instagram of himself holding a baby a while back, and then I had to write A Bleary, Hopeful Shade of Blue. For 8 months. But now we're back to this kinkier version of the boys who aren't worried about being interrupted by a crying baby. Hope you can remember enough to sort out where we are.
> 
> Thanks to JunoMagic and NixDucky for betaing.

It was getting harder to hide what they were.

Zach took another small sip of his water as he watched Chris from across the crowded room, looking absurdly good in his three piece suit. They were at a charity event, along with basically all of Hollywood, and after a quick bro-hug greeting for the cameras they had spent the night circling each other while talking to other people. Actually, as the night progressed it felt more like a spiral than a circle; Chris drew him in like gravity, and if they stayed much longer he wouldn’t be able to resist the itch of his fingers to slide possessively across Chris’ shoulders and stand beside him as he talked, letting the blonde in the red dress know exactly with whom Chris would be leaving.

Chris’ gaze drifted across the room until it found Zach’s, as if he could hear his thoughts. Zach tilted his head toward the table of appetizers and waited for Chris’ subtle nod before moving in that direction.

“You’ve been watching me all night,” Chris said quietly a moment later, reaching from behind him to access the gruyere puffs.

“You’re enticing,” Zach answered, noting the way Chris’ breath hitched despite the noisy room. “Does it bother you?”

“No. I like it. I feel your eyes on me like a weight. You've had me half hard all night.”

“Good,” Zach whispered. “I think we need to leave soon. While you still have energy.”

“Sure. Are we working out after this?” Chris asked with mock innocence.

Zach leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I’m leaving for home in five minutes. Don’t make me wait.”

Zach didn’t have to look to know that Chris watched his every step as he moved back into the crowd.

As it turned out, Zach was held up on his way to the door, and by the time he’d got home and toed off his shoes, there was a scrape of a key and he found himself pressed against the wall with an armful of boyfriend.

He went along with it until Chris started loosening his tie for him.

“Baby, stop,” Zach muttered between kisses.

“You drove me so fucking crazy all night,” Chris whispered against Zach’s lips, fingers fumbling for Zach’s shirt buttons.

“Chris, stop.”

“You look so good in this suit,” Chris added, kissing along Zach’s jaw.

“Chris!”

Chris pulled back, looking hurt and worried. And confused.

“Shhh.” Zach cupped his face with both hands. “There’s no problem. I just don’t want you to undress me.”

“I actually see that as a problem, Zach,” Chris huffed.

Zach chuckled, leaning in and kissing Chris’ irritation away. When Chris finally calmed and surrendered to the kiss, Zach whispered, “Do you remember when you told me that seeing me in a suit made you want to do whatever I asked?”

“Yeah,” came the breathless whisper.

“Well, that’s exactly the mood I need you in tonight.”

Chris froze and pulled back to look at Zach, licking his lips.

“Okay?” Zach asked, watching Chris' expression to make sure he understood. He'd been planning this for weeks, long before the first package arrived and he'd tested everything on himself. To say he was anticipating the evening was a profound understatement.

Chris nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact, causing a shiver in Zach's spine and a twitch in his dick.

“Good. Come with me.”

Zach led him to the bedroom, placing a hand on on his hip and standing close behind him as Chris paused in the doorway, eying the bed.

"Go take a look." Zach's breath ghosted over Chris' ear, and the resulting shiver was almost violent. Chris had said he wanted Zach to surprise him, and Zach was pleased to see that it was already leading to a power differential between them that was absent in their daily lives but completely necessary for this type of play. Tonight, Zach needed control, and Chris was ceding it already as he took tentative steps toward the carefully prepared bed.

Zach walked over to a plush chair in the corner of the room, pouring himself a glass of cognac from a decanter on the table beside it. Zach had been sober all night, knowing he’d need his wits about him when he got home. But something to sip would help take the edge off his nerves, and probably support the role he was playing. Putting on an air of nonchalance, he turned to watch Chris examine the items on the bed and the straps connected to various parts of the bed frame, each ending near the center of the mattress with thick silver rings.

Chris turned to Zach. "How do we start?"

Zach took a sip, making him wait. "The items to your left are the ones I'd like to try tonight. I might not use them all, depending on how the evening evolves, but if there are any you don't want me to use, move them to your right. Take your time; this is where you get to set limits. I'll be fine with anything you decide." Though Zach was hopeful that certain purchases would stay where they were.

Chris looked back at the items neatly arranged on a towel near the foot of the bed, drawing a finger along some of them to test the texture. Zach watched attentively, wondering what was going through Chris' mind, when blue eyes met his, and Chris slipped both hands in his pockets. And fuck if that wasn't perfect.

"We need a word," Zach started, probably a little _too_ eagerly. He took another sip to slow himself down. "Actually, despite the cliché, I'd like to use red, yellow, and green. I'd like to be able to ask you what color we are while I learn to read your responses."

Chris nodded, moistening his lips again. "I should be able to remember that."

The tension in the air was so palpable, Zach was tempted to crack a joke just to cut it. But Chris was looking at him with such an open expression, heat in his eyes and bulge in his pants, that he pushed down the urge. This was going to work. Zach needed to maintain this mood, because Chris was responding to it perfectly. They laughed in bed all the time, but this was not the night for easy laughter and warm kisses. And the fact he could have both with the same man was something Zach was still assimilating.

Chris was still waiting for his next command, perfectly composed, if slightly flushed.

"Strip," Zach said after taking another sip, crossing one ankle over the other as he leaned against the table. "You can hang your suit there," he nodded at the valet stand in the corner. "It's a nice suit. No sense in it getting crumpled."

It was hardly some cheesy striptease, but Chris didn't rush disrobing, and seemed very aware of just how closely Zach was watching him. Between the lush fabrics being slid almost sensuously off his shoulders, chest, thighs, and the warm, flushed skin being exposed, Zach found his mouth dry and his pants bulging. When Chris was done, he turned to face Zach, arms fidgeting at his sides and cock jutting out from his body, silently awaiting his next command.

Zach adjusted his pants and slowly sunk into the plush chair next to the table. "Put on the ankle cuffs," he said, taking another sip of his cognac.

Chris knelt by the bed, first on one knee, then on the other, securing the cuffs in place.

"Bring me the others." Zach set his drink on the table and nodded to the empty space where Chris could set the other leather straps. Chris stood before the chair, and from this angle Zach would only have to lean forward a bit to take Chris' flushed cock in his mouth, but he ignored it. "Give me your wrist."

Zach attached a cuff to each wrist, and then brushed his fingers along Chris' inner thigh, earning a gasp. "Legs apart," he murmured.

Chris widened his stance, and Zach fastened two more cuffs around his thighs. He leaned back in the chair to appreciate the effect. And it was pretty fucking glorious. He palmed his cock and noticed Chris' hand twitch.

"Almost forgot," Zach said, pulling a carabiner out of his suit jacket pocket. "Can't have you taking matters into your own hands." Zach latched it to the loop of one cuff, and then pushed both hands behind Chris' back, leaning forward so his breath teased Chris' cock as he promised, "I'm going to teach you some patience tonight."

Chris' groan nearly drowned out the soft click of the carabiner locking his wrists in place.

Zach leaned back in the chair again, dragging his finger along the junction of pale, golden skin and black leather circling Chris' thigh.

"God, do you have any idea how fucking fantastic you look?" Zach looked him over slowly, noting flushed skin, taut nipples, a chest expanding with deep breaths under such open scrutiny, and finally eyes dark blue and wild. “I've been imagining this for weeks,” Zach added, palming himself slowly and watching Chris’ gaze track the movement. “How do they feel? What color are we?"

"Green," Chris managed, clearing his throat. "Very green."

"Good," Zach whispered, allowing his eyes to drift lower again, noting all the signs of arousal until he got to the most blatant. He allowed himself a long stare at Chris’ very erect cock. He wanted to take it in his mouth, but that wasn’t the game they were playing tonight. After a moment, it twitched under the attention. “You do love it, don’t you? Look how hard you are, and you haven’t even been touched.”

Chris nodded, looking nearly debauched already.

"I'm hard, too. Want to feel?" Zach heard metal scrape as Chris tried to move his hands. "Oh, you can't feel like that, can you?" Zach spread his legs wide and sunk down in his chair, sliding his ass closer to the edge of the chair. He raised an eyebrow and then slowly picked up his drink again as Chris dropped to his knees. Chris seemed uncertain, so Zach threaded fingers through his hair, turning his head and pulling it down until he felt it press against his cock. “See?” he whispered, rolling his hips. “All for you.”

“God, Zach,” Chris moaned, rubbing his cheek against the wool of the slacks.

“Fuck, yes! You want that, baby? You want a taste?”

“Please!”

Zach tugged Chris off him, using his other hand to unzip his fly and pull out his cock, tapping it against Chris’ chin. Chris licked his lips, leaving them glistening and far too tempting. “Go on. Show me what you think of our purchases.”

Chris groaned and wrapped his lips around the tip of Zach’s cock, sliding his tongue along the slit before dragging his lips down along the shaft. And fuck, Zach had been wanting his cock worshiped all night. He removed his hand from Chris’ hair, draping it over the arm of the chair in feigned insouciance. He took a sip to muffle his hum as Chris shuffled forward on his knees for better leverage, watching him adjust to balancing with his hands behind his back. Zach could help, of course, but the point of this was to make Chris work for things tonight. He groaned as Chris finally got his balance right and began slipping up and down his shaft in a slow but steady rhythm. Zach’s head fell back against the cushion, and he closed his eyes, savoring each drag of lips, each press of wet heat deeper than the last, until he felt the head of his cock bump the back of Chris’ throat. He opened his eyes to see Chris adjust the angle and take him even deeper, until the tip of his cock was squeezed by Chris’ throat.

“Mmmm, careful doing that when you don’t have your hands. I don’t want you to choke,” Zach whispered.

Chris pulled off with a pop and then sunk back down on Zach’s cock, nearly all the way. Zach couldn’t help a small thrust. “Fuck, you’re getting so good at that.” Chris had given great head from the beginning, but lately seemed intent on learning to deepthroat. It was nothing Zach had asked for, but he was perfectly happy to help Chris practice. Chris hummed at the praise, eyes closed and tearing slightly as he concentrated on stifling his gag reflex. Zach saw the exact moment it stopped being an issue; Chris’ throat was open and relaxed as he buried his nose against the wool of Zach’s slacks. Zach lightly stroked Chris’ hair, breathing heavily as he took in the sight. He wasn’t sure what it said about him, but he _really_ liked this: being dressed in Armani with Chris kneeling naked and bound before him, swallowing his cock. It wasn’t… it really wasn’t like anything else he’d ever felt during sex. A sort of rush, a sort of—

“Oh, god,” Zach whispered, tightening his grip on Chris’ hair and pulling his head back again, all the way off his cock. Chris opened his eyes, which looked even brighter blue with the tears and the pink flush of his skin. “Not like this,” Zach answered the silent question, taking a few breaths before continuing. “As much as I’d love coming down your throat… or all over your face...” Zach stroked Chris’ cheek as his eyes fell closed and he moaned softly. “I have rather specific and elaborate plans for your ass tonight, and I think it’s best that I pursue them while _not_ in a post-orgasmic haze.”

Chris nodded his understanding, panting as he leaned his forehead against Zach’s thigh. Zach stroked his hair in silent praise as the tucked himself somewhat painfully back away and zipped his slacks. He let Chris catch his breath as he tried to focus his own mind, glancing at the bed. Finally he looked back down at Chris, who was gazing up at him silently as if waiting for another command. Zach couldn’t quite believe how naturally it seemed to come to Chris, this submissive attitude. It seemed so contrary to the confident man he knew from work, or the boyfriend who wanted to take care of him. But maybe this was satisfying something Chris hadn’t even realized he wanted, like it was for Zach. He stroked Chris’ cheek, watching his eyes clear.

“What color are we?” he whispered.

“Green,” Chris answered with no hesitation.

Zach smiled. “Well, then. I think it’s time I tied you to the bed.”


	14. "Your Ass is Mine"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm going to shave you here," Zach said, dragging a finger down his crack, across the opening, and then lower, cupping his balls, "and here."
> 
> Chris arched his back, as if trying to give Zach better access, but didn't say anything.
> 
> "Chris..."
> 
> "Yes. Green."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the pretty banner NixDucky made!! I think it's especially for chapters 13 and 14...
> 
> Thanks to NixDucky and JunoMagic for beta reading!

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/55449539@N08/18143096682)

 

Zach helped Chris up and walked him over to the bed, hand on the small of his back as if he were leading him on a date. He let his touch drift possessively over Chris’ ass when they stopped.

“Kneel on the edge of the mattress,” Zach said, unhooking Chris’ hands so he could crawl onto the bed. “Legs apart more,” he added when Chris positioned himself on all fours. Zach fastened two straps to the loop on the outside of Chris’ left thigh cuff, one originating from the center of the footboard, the other originating from the near edge. When he cinched them tight, Chris couldn’t move his leg forward or back. He did the same with the right cuff, adjusting the straps again until Chris’ legs were immobilized, knees spread wide, cock hanging thick and heavy between them. Fuck, he looked gorgeous, and Zach couldn't resist stroking Chris' exposed balls as he turned to walk to to the far side of the bed. Chris watched as he took a stiff pillow and propped it under Chris’ chest.

“Slide your hands forward,” he said, taking a strap connected to the bedframe and attaching a carabiner to the loop at the end. Chris inched his hands forward, settling on his elbows so he could reach further toward the edge of the bed, until Zach could slip the carabiner through loops on both wrist cuffs, binding his hands together against the mattress. Zach cinched the strap, stretching Chris’ arms out and causing his chest to press against the pillow.

“How does that feel?” he asked, running fingers through Chris’ hair. From this angle, Zach could map out the broad musculature of Chris’ arms and shoulders, which narrowed at his waist and hips, and finally rose in the heart-shaped swell of his ass. “Comfortable? You’re going to need to be able to hold this position for quite a while.”

Chris was breathing deeply through his mouth. Zach wasn’t sure if he was still aroused from before or if he liked this position. Chris flexed, testing the restraints and groaning when he was held in place. “Fuck. Yeah, green,” he said, twisting against the restraints again as if savoring the pressure of the cuffs against his wrists and thighs.

“Hmmm,” Zach said, leaning down to brush his lips against Chris’ ear. “You know, the books and websites all say I should punish you for swearing like that.” Chris froze, breathing heavily. “But I kind of like hearing it. So for tonight, at least, I want you to talk to me. I want you to moan, and swear, and beg as much as you want. In fact, I’m going to be working hard to get all those sounds… I promised to teach you patience, after all, and I’m pretty sure that in this position, you can’t work your cock at all. You can’t even brush it against the sheets with that pillow propping you up.” And that earned a whimper. “I’ll be deciding when you’re touched and how, but I want to hear you. If it is good, I want to hear. If it’s not, tell me orange, and I’ll fix it until it’s good again. I’ll need your help. As fantastic as you look from this angle, it’s not the one I’ll have. I'll be behind you. I won't be able to see your face to gauge your reactions: I’ll need your voice, Chris.”

Chris nodded, taking a deep breath and blowing it out. “It’s good. Comfortable. I… I like this. You in your suit and me spread and exposed and held. I... I like wanting to know what you’re going to do. I like waiting for it. My mind is going all over the place, seeing what you laid out, but until you do it… I’m just waiting to react. It’s… God, it’s exciting.”

“Okay,” Zach said, stroking his hair again and kissing his cheek. “I’m going to make you come. But I’m going to take my time doing it. And first, I’m going to shave you.” It wasn't a question. Chris had seen the safety razor on the towel. If he'd objected, he'd have removed it.

Chris closed his eyes and swallowed a sound, nodding into the mattress.

“Good. I’ll be right back.”

He returned a moment later with a tray holding a bowl of hot water, a washcloth, and warm shaving oil. He stood behind Chris' bound form, running a hand from the leather on his ankle, up his calf and across the leather on his thigh, trailing higher and finally palming the swell of his ass firmly. He did the same on the other side, letting Chris feel the buttons of his jacket scrape against his skin, earning a shudder. He groped Chris' cheeks almost roughly, spreading them and then tracing a finger down his crack.

"I'm going to shave you here," he said, dragging a finger down his crack, across the opening, and then lower, cupping his balls, "and here."

Chris arched his back, as if trying to give Zach better access, but didn't say anything.

"Chris..."

"Yes. Green."

Zach lowered the washcloth into the the hot water and wrung it out, draping it along Chris' crack, earning himself a hiss and a flinch.

"Shhh," he soothed. “We want it close."

He took his jacket off and rolled his sleeves up and then removed the washcloth and started rubbing shaving oil slowly into the hair he wanted to remove. It was thicker than massage oil, lathering as it combined with the moisture, but it was equally sensual, woodsy and slick. Soon Chris was making needy little sounds and arching as Zach massaged his balls — probably more than was strictly necessary. Zach wiped the excess oil onto a hand towel and knelt behind Chris, picking up the safety razor.

Chris was still and silent now. Tense. Expectant. Trusting. And this _felt_ dangerous, as Zach gently pulled the skin of Chris' balls taut and placed the razor at the junction of his cock and balls. It felt much more dangerous than it actually was. Still, Zach held his breath as he dragged the blades across lather, leaving a trail of smooth, pale skin in its wake.

Beautiful. But not as beautiful as the throaty groan Chris expelled as Zach rinsed the razor in the bowl and then shaved another stripe.

"Oh, god.... Oh god..."

Zach smiled as he manipulated Chris' balls and pulled the razor along them again, following with the pad of his thumb to test the shave. Chris squirmed and whimpered. _Perfect_.

"Have you done this before?" Zach asked as he continued. Chris' reactions were causing delicious twinges in his cock as well.

"No. Not like this," Chris managed, voice muffled by the sheets. "I, oh god... I, um... I've been waxed, but decided the process wasn't worth the benefits. This... This..."

"Works much better as foreplay," Zach finished, sliding the razor along another patch of skin as Chris devolved into incoherent sounds again. Zach examined the entire sac, touching up a spot here and there, and then finally just rolling the smooth skin through his fingers as Chris moaned and trembled. “Just a bit more,” he said, running a finger along his crack to make sure the oil was still in place. He drew the razor in short, slow strokes, and now Chris was arching into each one, trying to offer better access, each squirm bunching his muscles deliciously. “Hold still,” Zach chastised half-heartedly, holding the razor away from his skin. “At least until I set down the blade.” He heard Chris blow out a breath and nod into the sheets. “Good.”

Another minute of blades drawn over pale flesh and Zach was done, wiping the excess oil away with a towel placing the tray with the bowl, razor and oil aside on the floor. He knelt close behind Chris, running fingers along smooth skin as Chris now allowed himself to squirm into the touch again. “Hmmm, very nice,” Zach whispered. “But there’s only one sure way to know how well I did.”

He leaned forward and trailed his tongue along the path his fingers had just explored, taking first one ball into his mouth, and then the other as Chris cried out in a vaguely encouraging way. Zach pulled back and blew across the skin he’d just moistened, reveling in Chris’ writhing and whimpering. Chris was even more responsive than usual, the bare skin more sensitive to touch, and the presence of the restraints seeming to intensify his reactions. He squirmed against the cuffs again as Zach licked up to his opening and began teasing. This was familiar ground now; they had long since established that Chris liked _this_ , and his litany of Zach's name and _yes_ and _oh god_ just confirmed it. Soon Zach added a lube-soaked finger, and then two, his own patience faltering as he stretched Chris in a way that had become familiar and welcome over the last weeks. But they were about to depart from the familiar.

"Do you know what's next?" he asked, wiping his fingers on a towel as Chris whimpered at the loss of contact. "Ever since we watched those videos together and you spread your legs and admitted you used a dildo at home, I've wanted to see you take one of these." Zach picked up the black butt plug and slicked it up generously before dragging the tip against Chris' relaxed opening. "There are so many kinds. I had no idea when I started my research. What color are we, Chris?"

"Green," came the half muffled answer. "Green."

Zach gently pressed the plug in, and then eased it out slightly when the stretch seemed too much, repeating the action as Chris took it deeper and deeper. "This one is tapered, but wide near your prostate,” he said as he slowly worked it . “Once it's in, every time you move, you'll feel it. That's it. Relax for me, baby. You've almost got it.” Zach rubbed comforting circles on Chris’ lower back and the swell of his ass as more and more of the toy disappeared. “Oh my god, look at you take it." Between the visual and the needy sounds coming from Chris, Zach was very hard again. He groaned sympathetically along with Chris as the widest part of the toy stretched his ass and then disappeared, pulling the curved "T" base flush against his skin. "That's it. You've got it all now. And much faster than I was able to take it. Yes," he answered in response to the questioning grunt, "I tried everything on myself first, to make sure I understood what I was asking of you, and how slowly I needed to go... You're much more, ah, adept at this than I am." Zach stroked Chris’ ass as he adjusted to having the toy inside him. He took it so well. Fuck, it was beautiful. "Makes me want to consider other shapes and sizes. This is barely a medium, but the shape seemed ideal for us. Easy to get in, stimulating in the right area, secure enough you can actually walk around — or crawl — with it in place." And Chris groaned at that. "And then there's the base. Curved to nestle up against your body, this narrow part of the "T" along your crack," he said, tracing it with his finger, "this wider, shorter part up behind your balls, so when it rocks..." Zach pressed one end and then the other, imitating the motion of a rocking horse.

Chris keened and arched against his restraints.

"Good?"

"So good... Zach... It's... god, I need..." Chris rolled his hips, but Zach removed his hand, and without it the effect was diminished. Chris made a frustrated grunt.

"You're doing so well. Let's see how you do driving."

"What?" came the confused question as Zach unhooked Chris wrist restraints from their tether.

"Up on your hands," Zach said, releasing the hooks on the thigh cuffs as well. "I'm sure you're getting tired of that position. Your legs have been trembling. Come on," Zach said gently, guiding Chris with a hand on his hip. "Can you sit on the edge of the bed for me?"

Chris paused and then slowly shifted his weight, bringing his knees together, rolling onto his hip so he could turn. That's when Zach finally got a good look at his face and froze.

"Chris, are you alright?" Unfocused eyes drifted toward his face, and Zach threaded fingers through Chris' hair to ground him and get his attention. He'd read about subspace but hadn't really believed in it until this moment. Gone was the eager, almost sly expression of the man who’d gone down on him in the chair. Zach had never seen Chris so far in his own head. "Chris, baby, are you okay? Do we need to stop?"

"No!" Well, that had gotten his attention at least. "I'm green. We're green. I need more."

"Fuck, you're hard as a rock. Look at you." Chris was flushed, covered in a sheen of perspiration, and undeniably aroused. Zack adjusted his cock, the movement drawing Chris' attention. "Okay. Okay, we'll keep going. Sit on the edge of the bed... Brace yourself with your hands as you lean on the plug." Zach guided Chris into position, watching his eyes fall closed as the plug moved. "Legs apart. Come on, baby, let me see what this is doing to you." Chris eased his knees wide, mouth going slack as Zach refastened the tethers to his thigh cuffs, holding him open and exposed. "Do you need your hands behind you for balance? Or can I hook them here?" he asked, trailing fingers down Chris' thigh to the loops on the cuffs.

"Wherever you want them," Chris gasped, obviously trying to hold still when he wanted to rock the plug against the bed.

Zach stepped closer, letting the fabric of his suit pants brush against Chris' heated skin as he secured each wrist.

"God you're still dressed,” Chris said blinking. “You're dressed and I'm—"

"Gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous, Chris.” Zach buried his fingers in Chris' hair again and kissed harder than he intended, but was rewarded with a whimper as he dragged his teeth along Chris' lower lip. "Now rock for me. Show me what feels good."

Chris closed his eyes and swallowed, as if bracing himself, and then slowly rolled his hips. Surprise and pleasure flickered across his face, melting into something like bliss as he hit a rhythm. With each roll forward, the cuffs were pulled back and apart by the tethers, forcing his legs wider, and the view...

 _Fuck_. Zach's gaze trailed down Chris' body: pecs bulging as he pulled against the wrist restraints, abs taut and undulating, cock heavy and leaking and bobbing as he moved.

Zach wasn't going to get to the rest of the toys laid out on the towel. He wasn't going to be able to wait _at all_. Here he was supposed to be teaching Chris patience, and his own had abruptly evaporated.

He knelt between Chris' spread thighs and licked a drop of precome off the tip of his cock.

"Oh, fuck! Orange! Orange," Chris cried, looking down at Zach with pupils blown wide. "I'm going to come if you do that."

"You're not going to come until I'm buried inside you." Zach’s voice was stern.

Chris nodded and clenched his eyes shut, slowing his rocking. A moment later he took a steadying breath and looked at Zach again. God, he was doing so well. Considering neither of them quite knew what they were doing, this was working. Chris looked beside himself with arousal, and Zach... He stood and lowered one hand to stroke his cock through his trousers, loosening his tie with the other.

"Tell me how it feels."

Chris let out a breath and shook his head as if to clear it, rocking a bit harder again, until his breath was ragged. "It feels like... Like you're fucking me, and you're watching me get fucked. It's surreal and intensely hot."

 _Fuck_. Zach yanked his tie off and tossed it to the ground, nearly growling, "I'm not fucking you _yet_ , but I like watching you get yourself ready. Stretching your slicked up ass for me. Riding that toy like some cock slut.” Chris made a sound between a sob and a groan as Zach started unbuttoning his shirt. “I've never seen you so wanton," he whispered, letting his shirt fall open, feeling the heat of Chris’ gaze trail his skin, rocking into that toy, fucking himself. God, it was driving Zach crazy. He ran his hands down Chris’ chest, thumbing over his nipples and then pinching. Chris cried out, but his focus was still on Zach’s bulge.

Well, Zach could work with that. He unzipped his pants and let them slip low on his hips, dragging a thumb along the bulge in his briefs before he squeezed it.

“Zach,” Chris moaned, leaning forward against the restraints as if he were trying to reach him.

Zach stepped forward, almost into reach, watching Chris lick his lips as he stared at Zach’s cock. Chris’ rocking sped up.

“I hope you enjoyed your minimal freedom of movement,” he said, trailing a finger along the inside of Chris’ knee. “Because I’m about to take it away.”

Zach hooked his hands under each of Chris' knees and lifted, tipping Chris onto his back and forcing an indignified yelp from him. It took only a moment to bind Chris in this new position: wrists bound to ankles, tethered up and back toward the corners of the bed, his lower back supported with pillows so his ass was at exactly the right height. Chris was folded in half, spread wide and helpless, and he was watching every movement of Zach’s hands as he was secured.

“Hmmm. Have I told you lately how very glad I am you got into yoga? Look at you…” He trailed fingers along the backs of Chris’ legs, ankle to thigh to the edge of the plug. He slipped his fingers around the base of the toy, twisting it slightly until Chris moaned. Zach leaned down to nuzzle the bare balls displayed so perfectly as he continued to play with the plug. “Such access… the things I could do to you…” And now that he understood what that subspace expression on Chris’ face was — how lost and aroused he’d been — Zach was determined to get him back to that place while he could actually watch it happen.

He laved Chris’ balls again, sucking them into his mouth, rolling his tongue over each one as Chris became more vocal, squirming deliciously against the restraints. And there was that sense of power again. The one that’d almost had him shooting down Chris’ throat before they’d even gotten started in earnest. A thrill that went beyond normal sex. This control, this… this _way_ Chris was for him. So trusting. Just letting him do what he wanted, as long as he wanted. And the sounds Chris was making were getting good again, beautifully shameless and debauched. Chris was looking more and more lost, every time Zach glanced up at his face, until finally his eyes closed and he was just whispering Zach’s name. And then Zach pulled the plug out, stretching Chris’ ass over the widest part before slipping it back in. Chris was writhing against the restraints now, positively begging.

“You ready, baby?”

Chris looked straight into Zach’s eyes and said something that vaguely sounded like green, and Zach finally pulled the plug all the way out and tossed it aside.

“You look so good,” Zach said, pushing down his pants and grabbing a condom off the bed. “Open for me. Spread. You’re driving me fucking crazy. And one day soon, we’ll do this without the condom. Just us, with no barriers. Nothing to diminish the feel of your hot, tight ass around my cock.” He coated the condom with lube and lined himself up, making sure the angle was right, because he was going to be sure as _hell_ he felt better than a toy, although that seemed like a tall order at the moment. He groaned as the tip of his cock touched the gaping opening, torn between wanting to fuck Chris hard and dragging this out more. Part of him wanted to keep Chris on the edge all night. Maybe he would do that some time. But seeing Chris laid out as he was… it was more than Zach could stand. He plunged in — pleased as Chris arched and keened and started a mantra of _good_ and _fuck_ and _oh god_ — and thrust with an almost brutal rhythm. It was so good. He didn’t have to hold Chris in place, which meant all of his energy could be spent thrusting at the perfect angle to make Chris keen and moan. All his attention could be focused on how sublime it felt to be driving into Chris, how powerful he felt denying Chris any touches along his cock, teasing him and driving him toward the edge until finally, _finally_ Zach reached down with a lube-slick hand and stroked Chris’ cock.

Chris shot hard enough to coat his chest, sobbing and clenching around Zach’s cock. Zach tried to hold on, tried to memorize this view of Chris, tied down and completely undone, but a few thrusts later his own vision whited out, wracked and bliss-drenched, a surge of power that ended with a cry and buckling knees.

It took many long breaths for him to recover enough to pull out and get a clean cloth to wipe them both down. Chris was still mostly lost in his own mind, slowly recovering himself. And now that Zach wasn't high on lust and control, seeing Chris bound and spread was disconcerting. He released Chris from this bindings, easing him to his side and helping him curl into a comfortable position as Zach strained in his post-orgasmic mind to remember the aftercare he’d read about. He inspected the skin there the cuffs had been, and his stomach dropped. Pink bands of irritation nearly glowed, and he quickly grabbed the salve he’d purchased from the nightstand drawer and began applying it as Chris hummed with contentment.

Zach hadn’t expected this. He’d thought that the width of the leather would distribute the pressure across enough area to prevent injury. It looked minor, and Chris wasn’t flinching or making any distressed sounds as Zach gently rubbed in the salve, but Zach still felt appalled at the damage he’d caused.

When he was done he cleared the bed and managed to get Chris repositioned under the covers. He he shut off the light and wrapped himself around Chris from behind, almost protectively, whispering praise and care as Chris got comfortable. He stroked Chris’ hair, pleased at least to hear the appreciative hum as Chris relaxed back into him, sated and content.

But _Zach_ couldn’t relax. He wrapped his arm a bit more tightly around Chris’ waist and buried his nose in the nape of his neck as he shivered. Even under the covers and wrapped around Chris, he felt cold. Even in the dark — even with his eyes _closed_ — he could see those welts.


	15. My Heart is Yours

The room was dark but those red stripes were burned into the the backs of his eyelids. And as high as he'd felt leading up to his admittedly _spectacular_ orgasm, that's how low he felt now. Because what kind of man got pleasure from seeing his partner helpless? Bound so tight that it left marks that would last who knew how long? Chris was amazing. Intelligent. Funny. Somehow able to ground Zach in a way he hadn't experienced before. A fantastic partner in every way. And Zach had _hurt_ him.

To be honest, his reaction scared him. Of course he found it generally hot to watch porn with some generic person tied up and moaning, but that's not what he'd felt looming over Chris' bound, splayed form. He'd felt powerful, and intensely, shockingly aroused. He'd _loved_ watching Chris writhe against his restraints, had fucked him with absolute abandon, but that reaction — that intense, visceral, hungry reaction — that couldn't be healthy. That couldn't be _normal_. He'd been afraid to even pick up the crop. Afraid he might like it too—

"Zach? You okay?"

Yes. The lie was right there on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't say it. He'd stopped fronting with Chris weeks ago, and after the trust he'd just shown, it seemed like it would be the highest of insults.

"Zach?" he asked again, turning partway toward him. Zach expected Chris' voice to be worn or groggy after the intensity of the last hour, but it was perfectly clear and warm. Untroubled.

Zach leaned over and switched the lamp on the nightstand to its lowest setting.

"Look at your wrists," he said with a shaky voice.

Chris raised a hand curiously, turning it over to inspect both sides. "It's a little pink," he said, scrubbing his face and then turning toward Zach. "You aren't worried about that, are you?"

"Your thighs are worse," Zach said, voice thick with regret. "I didn't mean to do that to you. I —"

"Zach," Chris interrupted, rolling onto his side and cupping Zach's face. "It'll probably fade by morning, and even if it doesn't, I don't have anything for a week. And you didn't do this to me. I'm the one who pulled against them so hard. I figured we may as well know. Worst case. So we can be careful in the future if I do have something the next day."

"You pulled on purpose?"

"Well, I made the conscious decision to do what felt good and not worry about it, because I knew the timing was okay if there ended up being marks. We're learning together, right? So we need to test limits when it's safe."

That made sense. Still, Zach was supposed to have been in control of the situation, and he'd obviously miscalculated. And he’d been _getting off_ on watching Chris pull on the cuffs so hard they marked him. Zach had probably made them too tight. He swallowed, owning that bit of responsibility. But it was worse...so much worse… because even knowing that the restraints had hurt Chris, the memory of Chris writhing against them sent a shiver up his spine. It was like all those dark characters he’d been playing all these years had finally entered his psyche for real and he was —

“Zach?”

Zach’s gaze found Chris’ eyes. His very worried looking eyes.

“Sweetheart, talk to me. What’s going on? Because I’m still a bit floaty, but you are obviously not having a happy afterglow. And I don’t really understand why. Did you… did you not _enjoy_ it?” There was trepidation in his voice and an earnestness in his expression that made Zach feel almost dirty.

“I did,” he admitted, lowering his eyes. “Too much.”

“That’s really not possible,” Chris argued.

“Chris,” he said, more sharply than he intended. He took a deep breath and tried to direct his anger where it rightfully belonged. “Are you not at all disturbed that I was too caught up in how you looked — too caught up in how it turned me on — to notice that the restraints were rubbing you raw? I was selfish, and —”

“Oh my god, you really are freaking out. Stop.” Chris pulled himself half on top of Zach and kissed him, ensuring he really did stop talking. Zach tried to protest, but was helpless against the tenacity of Chris’ lips. They were soft and warm and still a bit kiss-swollen from earlier, and they held no judgement or fear. If anything, they were sweeter than usual, less desperate. Reassurance lay in the brush of warm skin and slide of tongue. Soft comfort giving way with a sigh to something richer. Something deeper and more demanding, making Zach’s eyes flutter. With a shuddering breath he felt some of the pressure in his chest loosen. Just as he was starting to forget what he was going to say, Chris pulled away.

“Now. Let’s try this again. Let me tell you how it felt on my end, okay? Because ‘selfish’ is not a word that comes to mind.” He nipped at Zach’s lips one last time before propping himself up on an elbow. “You know how you can get all intense and sexy? Of course you do — you’ve met yourself. Well, imagine having that intensity turned on you for nearly two hours, with the sole intent to keep you aroused and on the edge of orgasm. For two hours! You were reading my reactions like I was a language only you understand — and I’m honestly starting to think that might be true. No one has ever lavished attention on me like that. It was… it was intense and beautiful, and I felt like the center of the fucking universe. So how can that be selfish? Don’t answer; I’m being rhetorical.”

Zach huffed. “You were too out of it to know what was happening.”

“Oh, I was in an altered state all right, but I understood what was happening. You know how I can get all lost in my head and overanalyze a dozen things at once? Actually, you’ve met me too, so yeah. Well, being tied up and forced to accept whatever you wanted for me turned out to be a remarkable head-clearer. Like, the _best_. The _only_ thing my mind had room for was what you were doing to me. Apart from that, my mind was blissfully blank. I was focused just on you, and I was aware of _everything_ you did. All the ways you made me feel good. I think I was begging for the last thirty minutes, though I couldn’t tell you what I said. I _loved_ it, Zach.” He stroked Zach’s temple, searching his face. “And I love you. So please tell me what’s going on.”

“I wasn’t supposed to hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

Zach raised an eyebrow.

“You _didn’t_ ,” Chris insisted. “No more than a hickey or rug burn or those finger bruises you leave on my hips sometimes or any of the other amazing-sex-related minor irritations either of us have occasionally incurred. Which I generally find extremely _hot_ for days afterward.”

“And what if I’d picked up the crop and left welts on your ass as well?” Zach asked, frustrated that Chris was not able to see the difference between a hickey and a mark from _tying him up_. But Chris didn’t recoil like Zach expected; he _shivered_.

“I was expecting that, actually. I was waiting for it.”

“Were you disappointed?” Zach asked a bit incredulously.

Chris huffed a laugh. “I’d been begging for you for ages. I was _thrilled_ when you finally fucked me. No, I wasn’t disappointed. But I’m also pretty sure I would have liked it. I was so hyped up by that point, so desensitized, that whatever was going to happen next needed to be intense. And if it left welts that I would have felt for a day or two, how is that worse than not being able to sit because my ass took a pounding? And you know I like _that_.”

Zach shook his head, not quite able to understand why Chris would want that.

“Look,” Chris said, stroking his fingers along Zach’s temple to get his attention again. “I get that things didn’t go exactly as you planned, and I know you well enough to know that’s probably making you _crazy_. But I’m fine. I feel _good_. I feel... refreshed. Revitalized. More than I ever have after the ten minutes of meditation at the end of yoga. _You_ did that. Now, if you don’t want to do it again for some reason, that’s fine. But if you think the reason we shouldn’t do it again is because I got hurt, then that’s not a good reason. Because _I’m_ great.”

Chris kissed him, and Zach felt himself react, both to the reassurance of Chris’ words and the comfort of his touch. And of course it was sexy to be told how much Chris liked what he’d done. It helped put his crisis of confidence in perspective. He _hadn’t_ damaged their relationship, and that was a relief. He hadn’t hurt Chris in any way he deemed significant. That meant all that was left was his disquiet with his own reactions.

“I liked it,” he blurted into a kiss. “Seeing you like that, having you in my control. It wasn’t just arousing. I mean, it _was_ arousing, but there was this… this rush I got from the control. From positioning you and holding you down, and making you wait and watching you writhe and…” He couldn’t go on, closing his eyes, aroused again just from thinking about it, but also feeling shame or fear or something…

“Good,” Chris whispered between kisses. “I’m glad you liked it. Just imagine,” he said quickly as Zach started to grumble, “just think about what it would be like for me if you didn’t. If I were getting off on you tying me down and playing with me, and you were just sort of tolerating it to humor me. That would be pathetic. Humiliating. But if you like it, then it’s hot. Then it’s satisfying a need for both of us. A desire, at least. A fantasy.” Chris kissed him again, and he returned it distractedly, contemplating Chris’ words. He hadn’t really considered that. That Zach wanting to dominate Chris was no worse really than Chris wanting to be dominated… and yes, he knew they both found their roles hot in theory while watching videos on the sofa, but actually _doing_ it — actually making those fantasies a reality, even for a few hours — it was scary, but if it was mutual, could it really be bad?

“Look, it would be different if you wanted to keep me as a sex slave all the time. If this were the only dynamic between us, then yeah, maybe it would mean something was off. Or if you actually _wanted_ to hurt me, and not just heighten my sexual experience. But it’s not. We are equals in this relationship. We are lovers, and friends, and partners, and colleagues. We take care of each other in so many ways. Let’s just add this one to all the others. Sometimes I cook for you, sometimes you give me a massage, sometimes I hold you on the sofa while we watch a film, sometimes you tie me to the bed and keep me on the edge of orgasm until I forget the English language.”

Zach snorted, warmth blooming in his chest. He pulled Chris fully on top of him, feeling his weight, letting Chris ground him physically as well as mentally. He threaded fingers into Chris’ hair and pulled him into a kiss, trying to pour into it some portion of the care and love Chris had been giving him. He let his fingers drift along Chris’ shoulders, trailing them down Chris’ arm to his wrist and stroking it gently.

Chris hummed as he realized that Zach’s fingers were lightly massaging the mark. “And if things go a bit wrong, I forgive you.” he whispered. “We are figuring this out together, Zach. And just like when we get… _enthusiastic_ during regular sex and our bodies protest, we’ll learn from it and move forward together.”

Zach sighed, and Chris propped himself on an elbow, their faces distant enough to focus on. Chris’ blue eyes were completely clear. Zach shrugged, continuing to lightly trace Chris’ wrist. “The websites say that I’m responsible... that I should be able to judge your needs before you even know them.”

“Well, I won’t report you to the web administrators, I promise,” he joked with a kiss. “And that’s setting the bar a bit high, if you ask me. I don’t expect clairvoyance. You read me pretty well already, but don’t expect something impossible from yourself. You obviously have a different role, one that includes a lot more planning than mine, but we’re still doing this together. If the cuffs were really bothering me, I could have used a safe word — said orange and had you fix it. That’s _my_ responsibility, right?”

Zach nodded. That hadn’t really occurred to him, either.

“Just, don’t make this so hard for yourself that it’s not fun, okay? Because I loved it, and would really like to do it again, but only if you’re getting as much out of it as I am.”

Zach pulled him into a kiss again. Chris was right. He was a grown-up and was also responsible for what had happened, and had obviously judged it to be unimportant. So what was still bothering Zach was just how much he liked seeing Chris like that — how viscerally he felt the power he held over Chris and how erotic he found it.

And Chris once again showed that he was the braver of the two of them, because he was acknowledging without any hesitation that he liked being dominated. He was owning it fully without so much as a blush. All Zach had to do was own his own feelings.

“I did,” Zach reassured after a deep breath. “I was completely high on pulling you to the edge and leaving you there, cock leaking, vocabulary faltering.” His dick twitched, and Chris smiled, feeling it against his hip. “When you finally came... it was gorgeous, Chris. And I came so hard… but I also scared myself a little. Like I was discovering this potential in myself for something that could go really dark… and then I saw those welts afterward and…” His voice trailed off, thick with emotion. And he suddenly felt like it would take very little for him to cry. Maybe the evening had just been intense, or maybe he was just so _relieved_ that Chris was taking his apparent screwup so well… was even saying it wasn’t a screwup at all.

“I think you did so well,” Chris whispered, and when Zach made a face he added, “You did! Zach, the only ones judging your performance as my Dom are my dick and my mind. My dick was clearly giving you a standing ovation throughout the proceedings.” Zach snorted again, and Chris grinned and kissed him. “As for my mind,” Chris was thoughtful for a moment, absently stroking Zach’s hair. “All that attention was breathtaking. I felt admired and treasured and loved. Nothing dark. Maybe to you it felt like you were getting to have your way with me, but from where I was sitting — kneeling — it really felt like the opposite. You were taking care of me. It felt like _care_ , Zach. It felt good. Warm. Not scary.” He leaned in for another kiss. “Not dark.”

Chris was watching his face so intently, he felt all the more raw and exposed, but that wasn’t scary. Being exposed to Chris felt safe. It only felt scary when he had barriers up between them. When he was spiralling out in his own mind instead of just doing the reasonable thing and talking to Chris about whatever was bothering him. He nodded, and Chris’ expression relaxed, though a gleam lingered in his eyes.

“Good,” Chris said, leaning down again to brush his lips against Zach’s. Zach finally felt the last of his guilt fade away. Chris’ lips were warm, his kisses lingering, growing more intent as Zach finally began answering them in kind. After long moments, Zach turned his head slightly to catch his laboring breath, and Chris continued nipping at his jaw. “Now, let me take care of you.”

Zach arched up to find Chris’ lips again. “I came. Chris,” he said against them, humor seeping into his voice. Though truth be told, he was half hard already and breathless under Chris’ attention.

“I know, sweetheart, but you got all stressed out afterward. Let me take care of you.” His hand stroked the length of Zach’s torso, over the panes of his chest and taut muscles of his abdomen. And Zach realized one drawback of being the one doing the tying earlier was that he suddenly felt touch starved. As amazing as it had been to watch Chris’ hands as he he'd writhed against his bindings, Zach now craved Chris’ hands — his large, strong, dexterous hands. “What do you need?”

“This,” Zach said, feeling how true it felt in that moment. “More of this. I just need you.”

“Me you’ve got,” Chris whispered, moving more fully over Zach, elbows planted on either side of his head, fingers curling into Zach’s hair, lips finding Zach’s. They were lined up, lips to ankles, and Zach let himself drink in Chris’ scent, the taste on his tongue, the strength in his arms and his back as Zach’s hands pulled him closer, until there was really no way to get closer. He was getting hard again, overwhelmed, but this time in a good way. And Chris was perfect, leading him expertly, offering just what he needed, and he just wanted _more_ of everything. More touch, more weight, more of Chris’ scent drowning his senses. He spread his legs so Chris would sink into the V, pressing their cocks together more fully, and yes, that was better, especially as Chris started to rock. That was good, really good. For a few minutes it was even enough. He groaned, surrendering, feeling Chris move over him. And it was so good, but finally _not_ enough. He was starved for Chris’ touch, even in places he’d never felt it. He spread his legs wider still, and Chris froze.

“Zach?”

“I want you.”

And whatever reaction he expected, it wasn’t Chris lowering his forehead to Zach’s and being deathly still.

“Unless you don’t want—”

“Of course I want it, Zach. I’ve wanted you for weeks. But not if you’re treating it like some sort of _penance_. Not if you think you’re making something up to me—”

“No, baby,” Zach said, cupping both hands around Chris’ face and kissing him. “No, no, no. I just… After spending so long taking you apart, I need to feel you. Everywhere. All at once. I haven’t done this in years, but I want to feel _you_ everywhere. You said before, if we were making love you’d—”

Chris’ mouth covered Zach’s hard. “Yes,” he hissed into Zach’s mouth. “Yes. God, I love you. I want you so much.” And Chris was reaching for the lube and pushing Zach’s leg up as he kissed him, reaching blindly with a slick finger until Zach felt it circling his hole, cold and slick. He twitched away, but Chris made comforting sounds into his mouth as they kissed, still stroking Zach’s hair with his other hand. He was still propped over Zach on his knees and one elbow, close and hovering, kissing him as the lube warmed and he relaxed again. And he felt the difference. Doing this with relative strangers — as he had for what seemed like ages — _this_ would have felt claustrophobic. He would have been getting panicky. But with Chris he felt safe, sheltered, protected. He groaned, spreading his legs further apart, and was breached, arching and panting into Chris’ mouth. The intrusion of a single finger felt intimate. A slow, slick press as Chris moved his finger in and out. All of Zach’s attention focused on that point of contact, until he felt heat spread across his skin, over his cheeks, and he let out sound he couldn’t remember having made before.

“Okay?” Chris asked, forcing Zach to remember that he had other parts to his body, like a mouth that might be capable of forming words, or arms that could cling to Chris rather than flail at the sheets.

“Yes. It’s good. You can—” His words devolved to incoherence as Chris twisted and hooked his fingers.

Chris nipped at his jaw, a smug, “I can what?” seeping into Zach’s skin.

“Fuck,” Zach gasped. “Add. Um, more.”

Chris started to pull away, to kiss his way down Zach's chest.

"No.” Zach’s hands scrabbled across Chris’ back. “I need you up here.”

“I’ll be back,” he whispered against Zach’s lips. “I just need two hands for a minute.”

Zach closed his eyes and nodded, swallowing hard as Chris kissed the spot over Zach’s heart and then sat back on his heels. Zach felt incredibly vulnerable like that — splayed and panting and exposed. It felt safer when Chris’ face was near his, when Chris could feel Zach under him but couldn’t see him prone with his legs spread. He could hear the tear of a condom wrapper and the slick sound of lube being warmed between fingers, and he shuddered.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chris whispered, as if he could hear Zach’s anxiety. Zach opened his eyes for find Chris’ expression suffused with warmth. “Do you have any idea what you do to me? How much you drive me crazy? How thoughts of you have permeated every part of my life?” Zach heard the soft sound of the condom rolled into place, but his eyes stayed on Chris’ face as he leaned forward again, propped up on one hand by Zach’s shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered as his fingers found Zach’s opening and pressed in.

Zach arched and reached for Chris, nearly making him collapse onto his chest. Chris huffed as he lowered himself onto his elbow so he could hover close enough to kiss Zach. Because he seemed to understand that was what Zach needed. More than smooth mechanics or seductive words, Zach needed Chris’ breath against his cheek while his fingers probed his ass. There was an intimacy in breath. A validation.

“Chris,” he groaned, arching again. He wanted Chris closer, threaded fingers into his hair and kissed him harder, moving as best he could against his chest, despite the fact that Chris was still hovering over him, working fingers into him, stretching him. He wanted Chris now. He tried to pull Chris closer.

“Patience,” Chris murmured against his cheek as he started to add a third finger. Zach made a petulant sound, and Chris chuckled and kissed his cheek. “It’s harder from where you’re sitting now, isn’t it?” Zach gave him a glare. If Chris was toying with him just to get back for all the times Zach made him wa— “You haven’t done this for a long time,” Chris continued, working his admittedly large fingers into Zach. He breathed through the stretch, mentally acknowledging that slow might be the best pace for this, after all. “I want to make sure I don’t hurt you.” And then he was kissing Zach again, and that was good — _really_ good — hot, slick tongue claiming his mouth and making him groan and rock and wrap arms and legs around around Chris, trying to get him closer, until finally, _finally_ , Chris pulled out his fingers and lined himself up and slowly pushed in until he had just barely breached Zach.

Zach’s breath hitched and his eyes suddenly focused on his surroundings again: Chris holding perfectly still above him, eyes closed, struggling to control himself. And Zach knew that moment intimately. Knew that fight to hold fast all the urges of the body yearning to thrust and push and take. Chris was balancing, holding himself back until he finally let out a metered breath and opened his eyes. The heat in that gaze was nearly enough to melt Zach where he lay.

“Are you okay?” they asked in unison, and then huffed.

“Wrap your legs around my waist. As high up as you can.”

Zach nodded, grateful that yoga has made his long legs flexible and strong enough to do as Chris asked. He felt the change in the angle — almost severe enough to force Chris’ cock back out. But Chris was strong, too, and compensated as Zach shifted, until he was satisfied with the position. He raised himself on his hands and began to push in, eyes locked on Zach’s. And just as the stretch was getting to be too much, and Zach was going to ask to pause and catch his breath, the tip of Chris’ cock dragged against his prostate, and there was no fucking way he was going to slow down. Whatever keening sound Zach made must have satisfied Chris that he was on the right track, because a moment later he was pressed all the way in, deep and solid and filling Zach so perfectly he couldn’t believe he’d waited so long to ask for this. Chris was still watching his face as he began to pull back out, that delicious drag forcing Zach’s eyes to roll back. He just concentrated on the feel of Chris as he moved in him, over him, shifting now and building a rhythm that grew in urgency as the slow, methodical slides of his cock transformed into thrusts that rocked Zach against the mattress. Chris was making these breathy, possessive grunts Zach had never heard before, filling him over and over — and this was really _not_ going to take very long. Oh, god...why hadn’t they done this yet? It was _fantastic_! Zach’s body offered no resistance now, and he just absorbed Chris’ thrusts, rocking with him, drawing energy from each press, each drag across his prostate, each push into the mattress, until he was hovering dangerously close to the edge of his orgasm. Hanging right in some perfect balance. He focused on Chris’ face again, startled to see it watching him so intently. And as if he’d given Chris some signal, Chris shifted their angle again, this time so he could press their abdomens together, offering friction against Zach’s cock finally with every thrust. And he was gone, spilling across his stomach, spasming as Chris drove into him, forming words he was just barely aware of. Chris buried a cry into the side of his neck and thrust one last time. And the intimacy of feeling Chris pulse inside him as rough breaths blew against his neck made Zach feel suddenly protective, wrapping arms around Chris’ back as he rode out the aftershocks.

It was a long time before either of them moved. Zach’s legs were beginning to protest, but he was loath to lose the intimacy of the moment, with Chris still buried deep inside him and their chests heaving as their breathing slowly settled, almost in unison. He was quite sure he’d never felt this content with someone’s dick up his ass, and the thought made him chuckle abruptly. Chris raised a weary head.

“Shhh,” he said, pulling Chris’ face back into the crook of his neck. “Just happy.”

A hum and a sloppy kiss on the neck were the only reply he got for several long moments. Then Chris slid his cheek along Zach’s shoulder, still resting against it, but now more free to talk.

“Mmm’u okay?”

Zach huffed a laugh at Chris’ lazy mouth. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Good,” Chris almost hummed. “Mmm. And I still love you.”

Zach smiled, eyes closed. “I still love you back,” he whispered.

After another few moments of still contentment, Chris started to move.

“No…” Zach whined.

But Chris was determined, slowly propping himself up and pulling out, leaving Zach feeling empty and a bit forlorn, until Chris leaned back down and kissed him thoroughly. “Let me take care of you like you normally take care of me.” And despite the fact Zach really didn’t want to move, that sounded nice.

Zach let Chris lead him to the bathroom on shaky legs.

“Want me to draw a bath?” Chris asked. Zach shook his head sleepily and Chris chuckled, starting the shower. Chris washed him first, slick hands massaging him gently, soothing sensitized skin and rinsing him clean. Then Zach reciprocated, gently washing Chris’ heavy, sated dick and happy to notice that the welts on Chris’ wrists and thighs had faded substantially. When they were both clean, they dried off and stumbled back to the bed, pushing the rest of the bondage equipment off the mattress to be dealt with in the morning.

Zach settled on his back and pulled Chris to his side, absently stroking Chris’ arm as he settled his head against Zach’s chest. Although he was sleepy and sated, his mind was still whirling, keeping him from drifting off.

Bottoming for Chris….god, it’d felt fucking _fantastic_. And he’d felt exposed, yes, but mostly safe... good. The feeling of Chris over him and in him… the _trust_ he felt as Chris explored him… and the _bondage_ — other than his little freak-out, the bondage had been fantastic, too. And maybe the freak-out showed that he was vulnerable even when he thought he was in control. There was trust necessary in all of it, and it was all good, because he _did_ trust and love Chris. And he was secure that Chris felt the same.

Chris shifted in his arms, palm sliding to cushion his chin over Zach’s heart. Zach smiled sleepily, the pads of his fingers still drifting over Chris’ arm as he tried to settle his mind.

No, none of that was troubling him at all. Everything between he and Chris seemed great. It was something el—

His eyes opened abruptly. The party. Holding himself back from crossing the crowded room to join Chris. Putting his hands in his pockets because his fingers actually _itched_ to touch the small of his back. That was the source of this nagging discomfort. He let his eyes drift closed again. Yeah, the more Zach thought about it, the more he—

“What’s wrong?” Chris mumbled into his chest, squeezing his arm around Zach’s waist.

“Sorry,” he answered, placing his hand on Chris’ arm and willing it to keep still. “Just thinking.”

Chris laughed softly. “I can tell. I’ve said it before: you think really loud.”

Zach squeezed him a little tighter.

“I think—” Zach bit his lip, making sure he really meant what he was about to say, too tired to search for eloquent wording. “I think I don’t want to hide anymore.”

Chris froze. “Really?”

Zach shrugged, hoping that reaction didn’t mean Chris was against the idea. “I mean, I don’t intend to share the fact that I like to tie you to the bed, shave you, and make you beg for my cock…”

Chris snorted. “That _would_ make a hell of a headline.”

“But I want to share all the rest. I want to be able to hold your hand at the next party we attend together, maybe even kiss you on a sidewalk somewhere. I want to tell the world I’m your Big-B-Boyfriend.”

“In so many words?” Zach could hear the grin in Chris’ voice.

Zach chuckled. “Maybe not, but I want them to understand the concept. My heart is yours.”

He felt Chris smile against his chest and snuggle a little closer. “Yeah. That sounds good. We can call our publicists tomorrow.” Chris kissed the center of his chest. “I’m ready to show them, too.” And Zach felt relieved that Chris was on board. “You really still want to?” Chris asked, confusing Zach until he added, “Tie me to the bed and make me beg for your cock?”

Oh, that. Zach bit his lip, hugging Chris a little tighter. “Yeah. I think I’m through my panic and back to really, really liking it. And if we can make love like that afterward, it can’t be messing with our dynamic in bad ways. Is that okay?”

“Fuck yeah, it’s okay!” he said through a sleepy smile. “And next time you tie me up, I definitely want you to use the crop.”

Zach’s dick twitched, against all odds or reason. “Jesus fucking Christ, Pine,” he said with a shiver and a hug. “You are _such_ a bossy bottom.”

“You love it.”

“I really do,” he said, reaching down to squeeze Chris’ ass and drawing a snort from him.

“I love all of the ways we take care of each other,” Zach added more seriously.

Chris hummed and kissed the center of his chest before propping himself up so they could see each other. “Me, too. You ready for the media circus? It’s going to be crazy.”

Zach nodded. “I’ll be fine. You?”

“Not even close,” Chris joked, “but let’s do it anyway. I’ll have you to get me through it.” He snuggled back down onto Zach’s chest.

“That you will,” he said, wrapping his arms more fully around his boyfriend, biting his lip against a grin as he thought that by this time tomorrow, the world might know. They’d been so careful, and they had a plan. And more importantly they seemed to have themselves in a good, stable place that could withstand public scrutiny.. As nice as it had been in their little bubble, Zach was always one to prefer living authentically in the world. Still, as he felt Chris’ breathing even out and his own mind grow sluggish, he held onto the peace of their bubble for one last night. He ran his fingers through Chris' hair as he felt himself start to drift off. He’d worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  And he wasn’t even worried. After all, as long as they were together, what could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends the second fic of the "Jumping in the Middle" series. The third and final installment returns to a kinkmeme prompt. So we're not done with these boys yet.
> 
> Heaps of gratitude to JunoMagic and NixsDucky, my intrepid betas...this fic is so much better for their help. I've continued tweaking, so any mistakes are my own. And thanks to Ducky particularly for the sweet graphics. Definitely a nice add to the story.
> 
> Finally, thanks to all the readers who commented and stayed interested despite the 9-month Bleary Hiatus. Hopefully it was all worth the wait.


End file.
